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I know what you're thinking: why is Chris Rock bagging groceries? But I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade, so if I couldn't tell jokes this is exactly what I'd be doing.

Chris Rock

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Chris Rock
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Andrews
South Carolina
Cris Rock
Christopher Julius Rock III
Lil penny
Christopher Rock
Thinking
Jokes
Exactly
Bagging
Rock
Tenth
Rocks
Groceries
Couldn
Chris
High
Dropped
Tell
Grade
School
Grades

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Eddie Murphy is to comedians what Nicki Minaj is to Spanx.
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Sometimes people offer you plays, they offer you parts, but they only offer it because I'm famous.
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When a musical act performs, the black audience goes crazy for all the stuff, the album cuts, everything. White audiences, they're nice and all, but they're not going to lose it until they get the hits. Comedy is the same thing.
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Oprah is rich Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah's money, he'd jump out of a window and slit his throat on the way down saying, 'I can't even put gas in my plane!'
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Anything you can suck at should make you nervous.
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The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other.
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All people naturally hate. My kid bites people now. I didn't teach my kid to bite anybody. Kids say mean stuff. Only through love do we get this evil out of them. Only through love and structure and discipline do they not hate. The kids that hate didn't learn anything, that's the problem.
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No, I want big ol' titties in my face!
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If a kid calls his grandma Mommy and his mama Pam, he's going to jail!
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I think all the funny people were bullied. When they talk about outlawing bullying, it's like, what? You want no Comedy Central?
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The thing about Barack Obama, just from being around him, is he's cooler than the other politicians, but just nerdy enough to do the job. Like you can't be really cool and be the president.
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Community college is like a disco with books: Here's ten dollars let me get my learn on!
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People are always going to, you know, find something wrong with people who are not the exact same as them. That's just what it is. Black, white, short, tall, religions, whatever. People are bad.
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Are we so desperate for entertainment that we will fall for a Trickless magician?? Saw a woman in half. Pull a rabbit out of a hat. Do something! What tricks does this guy have? I'm in a box...and I ain't gonna eat.. I'm in a box... and I ain't gonna eat!! That ain't no trick! That's called living in the projects!
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Wealth is not about having a lot of money it's about having a lot of options.
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A comedy club is a place where you work out material, you're trying material.
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School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.
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When you're making a real documentary, you shoot it and the movie happens. You don't make - this sounds corny - you don't make a documentary, a documentary makes you. It really does.
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I love having somebody there - that companion thing. You know who you're going to eat with, who you're going to see a movie with.
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You're not famous unless people's mothers know who you are. Everybody else, you think you're famous, but you're just hot, and heat cools off.
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