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You can never make a woman happy, it's impossible. I've never met a happy woman in my life. They're always complaining about something.
Chris Rock
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Chris Rock
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Andrews
South Carolina
Cris Rock
Christopher Julius Rock III
Lil penny
Christopher Rock
Happy
Woman
Something
Make
Always
Complaints
Never
Complaining
Life
Mets
Impossible
More quotes by Chris Rock
When I hear people talk about juggling or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy because sacrifice infers that there was something better to do than the thing - than being with your children.
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Artistically I'm curious. But in life? No. I can go to a restaurant and order the same thing for 10 years.
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The government doesn't want you to use YOUR drugs, they want you to use THEIR drugs.
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Black people have been qualified to be president for hundreds of years. George Washington Carver could have been president. I could go on with a list of black men that were qualified to be the president of the United States. So the Obama victory is progress for white people.
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When you have kids, there's no such thing as quality time. There's just time. There's no, 'Ooh, his graduation's better than going to the mall.' It's all kind of equal. Changing her diaper and her winning a contest - it's all good.
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I'll go with the guy with one house. The guy with one house is scared about losing his house.
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Men are handicapped when it comes to arguing, 'cause we have a need to make sense.
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If you want to prevent abortions, you make sure everyone has health care, a high school education and birth control. Not the exact opposite.
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Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies... a man's lie is, I'm at Tony house, I was at Kenny house! A woman lie is like, It's your baby!
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I'm like the Hulk on stage. It's way over the top. That's Bizarro Chris. Sometimes I get off stage and go What did I say?! I'll watch one of my stand-up specials a year later and go Eww, that was mean.
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I've been married for 10 years and, you know, it's hard, you spruce it up and you go places. How do you spruce up anything? Artificially. You go places and do things.
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The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other.
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No, I want big ol' titties in my face!
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Most parts in comedy, they're not really written for men. They're written for, like, these boy-men.
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If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket! 'This is a rap killing! Let's get outta here!'
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I'm a rap comedian the same way Bill Cosby is a jazz comedian, Cosby's laid back. I'm like, bang, bang bang, right into it.
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Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep.
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Carol Leifer is funny, really funny.
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I'm a nerd. I'm a little guy... the last guy you'd expect in a romantic movie.
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If you're the president you only have two jobs: peace and money.
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