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Before I was a comedian, I thought the coolest thing that would happen to me was being a teenager... Boy, was I wrong!
Chris Rock
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Chris Rock
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Andrews
South Carolina
Cris Rock
Christopher Julius Rock III
Lil penny
Christopher Rock
Happens
Thought
Thing
Coolest
Would
Comedian
Teenager
Boys
Happen
Wrong
More quotes by Chris Rock
When you become a comedian a lot of stuff that made you laugh before just stops. You stop watching your old cartoons you used to watch. You stop reading the funnies. It's like working at a strip club. You don't come home and turn on the Playboy Channel.
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I believe you got my property?
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Anything you can suck at should make you nervous.
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They don't want you to vote. If they did, we wouldn't vote on a Tuesday. In November. You ever throw a party on a Tuesday? No. Because nobody would come.
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You can't fake comedy - it's not like a movie, where a director can just cast a pretty face.
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Every comedian has a moment in his life when he realizes he's a little bit different from everyone else. It's like being the only guy in a movie who sees the ghost. The ghost talks to you and you talk to him. Then you turn to your friend and say, Hey. Do you see that ghost? And he says, What ghost?
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I always say about my daughters, they save me from my miserable self. They take me out, you know, a comedian, you could live in your head a lot. And you're writing and you're doubting. But when I'm with my kids and my family, it's all about them.
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My dad worked every day. I didn't get into show business to work every day. So the fact that most days I get to like, spend really good time with my kids - that's what success is to me.
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I love my life, but I don't think I'm any happier than my younger brother Andre, who drives a garbage truck.
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I'm old enough to remember when there were no black quarterbacks - there were no blacks on TV. I hope my son or daughter doesn't have to be as fixated on race as I am, because he or she will grow up in freer times.
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No matter what kind of backgrounds two men are from, if you go, 'Hey, man, women are crazy,' you've got a friend.
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Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
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I'm pretty good at getting over people throwing stuff at me. If you've been doing stand up long enough you know how to swing back and get the laughs.
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If Bill Gates woke up with Oprah's money he'd jump out the window.
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I don't write jokes first. I write down topics. I think of what I want to talk about, and then I write the jokes - they don't write me... And even if you don't think it's funny, you won't think it's boring. You might disagree, but you'll listen. And maybe even laugh as you disagree.
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America is the greatest country in the whole world.
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Hollywood's just not funny.
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Gas is getting so expensive I'm gonna ride a mexican to work.
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My movies are okay, but they're not my specials.
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Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.
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