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The two best things you can do for a person is have sex or make them laugh.
Chris Rock
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Chris Rock
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Andrews
South Carolina
Cris Rock
Christopher Julius Rock III
Lil penny
Christopher Rock
Best
Person
Make
Things
Laugh
Sex
Laughing
Two
Persons
More quotes by Chris Rock
I love black people, but I hate niggers.
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I don't need a president with a bucket list!
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Gas is getting so expensive I'm gonna ride a mexican to work.
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Pretty girls have problems too.
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Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.
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When you have kids, there's no such thing as quality time. There's just time. There's no, 'Ooh, his graduation's better than going to the mall.' It's all kind of equal. Changing her diaper and her winning a contest - it's all good.
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They don't want you to vote. If they did, we wouldn't vote on a Tuesday. In November. You ever throw a party on a Tuesday? No. Because nobody would come.
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We were so poor my daddy unplugged the clocks when we went to bed.
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I don't write jokes first. I write down topics. I think of what I want to talk about, and then I write the jokes - they don't write me... And even if you don't think it's funny, you won't think it's boring. You might disagree, but you'll listen. And maybe even laugh as you disagree.
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The best part is just having a partner. There is no real worst part. I'm not going to say there's a worst part. I mean I'm a comedian - comedians like to work alone. So maybe I'm not the ideal guy to be married to, in that sense.
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Not a Harvard-type education, just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.
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Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.
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I used to have horrible cars that would always end up broken down on the highway. When I tried to flag someone down, nobody stopped. But if I pushed my own car, other drivers would get out and push with me. If you want help, help yourself - people like to see that.
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So, to say Barack Obama is progress is saying that he's the first black person that is qualified to be president. That's not black progress. That's white progress.
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Early in my career it was very important that I gain the reputation. I haven't been on the road in two or three years, but when I say tickets are on sale, I know they're going to be gone, even if my movie bombed or my TV show sucked.
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Artistically I'm curious. But in life? No. I can go to a restaurant and order the same thing for 10 years.
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When you've been on a ghetto diet your entire life, you're just happy to get a large soda instead of a medium.
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By the time I was 7 or 8, I wanted to be a comedy writer.
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I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Chris Rock
