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If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket! 'This is a rap killing! Let's get outta here!'

Chris Rock

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Chris Rock
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Andrews
South Carolina
Cris Rock
Christopher Julius Rock III
Lil penny
Christopher Rock
Killing
Pocket
Humor
Wanna
Somebody
Tape
Head
Pockets
Funny
Gotta
Away
Rap
Demo
Home
Shoot
Outta
Murder
Demos

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No, I want big ol' titties in my face!
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Whatever your woman is into, you better be into. Whatever your man is into, you better be N2. Your partner into church, you better be into church. Your man or woman a crack head, you better be a crack head ... Otherwise it just won't work.
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Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.
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I'm happy if everybody else is. I'm a big brother, the oldest. If you're happy and I'm not, I'm cool with that. If I'm happy and you're not, I'm sad.
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Most parts in comedy, they're not really written for men. They're written for, like, these boy-men.
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I believe you got my property?
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Eddie Murphy is to comedians what Nicki Minaj is to Spanx.
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If you properly clean a room, it gets dirtier before it gets cleaner.
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Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
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People basically aren't that racist. They want their laughs. If I make a white guy laugh, he's gonna come see me. He's not gonna go see the white guy who doesn't make him laugh just because that guy is white.
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Oprah is rich Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah's money, he'd jump out of a window and slit his throat on the way down saying, 'I can't even put gas in my plane!'
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I just thought everybody lived around abandoned buildings and crack-heads, ... I lived in the ghetto until I was like 19. I came to Los Angeles, stayed at hotels and stuff. When I got back and I saw what my neighborhood looked like, I started getting scared.
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Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
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Here's the thing. When we talk about race relations in America or racial progress, it's all nonsense. There are no race relations. White people were crazy. Now they're not as crazy. To say that black people have made progress would be to say they deserve what happened to them before.
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No matter what kind of backgrounds two men are from, if you go, 'Hey, man, women are crazy,' you've got a friend.
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It's weird with stand-up comedy. It doesn't really translate worldwide. I want to figure out how do I make it worldwide. Do a special in Africa. Can't beat that. Pull that off, then I will have done something.
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Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies... a man's lie is, I'm at Tony house, I was at Kenny house! A woman lie is like, It's your baby!
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Yeah, it's unfair that you can get judged by something you didn't do, but it's also unfair that you can inherit money that you didn't work for.
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Success is just hanging out with my kids. I mean, I always say if you have options, you're rich. To me, success is the fact that hey, I just did a movie and maybe I'll do some stand up, maybe I'll will write a book or maybe I will do a play.
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I'm an independent, but I got to admit I lean Democratic.
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