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Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn't pay for the electricity, he'd pay for the candle on your nightstand, so you can study for the big test tomorrow.

Chris Rock

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Chris Rock
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Andrews
South Carolina
Cris Rock
Christopher Julius Rock III
Lil penny
Christopher Rock
Didn
Tests
Pay
Nightstand
Tomorrow
Pays
Humor
Daddy
Study
Gas
Water
Electricity
Funny
Candle
Bigs
Test

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When I do something good, the audience lets me know immediately. They laugh. That's it.
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Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.
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We were so poor my daddy unplugged the clocks when we went to bed.
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The two best things you can do for a person is have sex or make them laugh.
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Dude, I didn't say Jude Law can't act. I didn't say Jude Law was in bad movies. I just said he's in every movie.
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Oprah is so rich, I saw John Kerry proposing to her.
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Don't argue! You cannot win, you cannot beat a woman in a arguement. It's impossble you will not win. Cause men, we are handicapped when it comes to arguing cause we have a need to make sense
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I love my life, but I don't think I'm any happier than my younger brother Andre, who drives a garbage truck.
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I never really write the jokes. I just sit down over a week or two and try to figure out what I want to talk about. Once I narrow that down, then I start working on the material, like How do I make this stuff funny?
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There are people who would like to get rid of minimum wage. But we have to have it, because if we didn't some people would not get paid money. They would work all week for two loaves of bread and some Spam.
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By the time I was 7 or 8, I wanted to be a comedy writer.
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Hollywood's racist. Hollywood is sorority racist. It's like - we like you, Rhonda, but you're not a Kappa.
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Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies... a man's lie is, I'm at Tony house, I was at Kenny house! A woman lie is like, It's your baby!
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I got love from my family. I don't really need love from a paper, you know what I mean? I can't get too happy because somebody said something nice about me. I appreciate it, but let's not get it twisted - this is not changing my life.
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America is the only place where people go hunting on a full stomach.
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Not a Harvard-type education, just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.
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Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.
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I can't cook, but I have a nice book of menus... and I can plate and set the table.
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Eddie Murphy is to comedians what Nicki Minaj is to Spanx.
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Never go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns? They know you ain't got one.
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