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If a kid calls his grandma Mommy and his mama Pam, he's going to jail!

Chris Rock

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Chris Rock
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Andrews
South Carolina
Cris Rock
Christopher Julius Rock III
Lil penny
Christopher Rock
Funny
Kids
Going
Mommy
Grandma
Mama
Jail
Calls
Humor

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A comedy club is a place where you work out material, you're trying material.
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Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.
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I've seen women who don't have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day.
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If you’re a black Christian, you have a real short memory.
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Stand-up is the only career like that where once you get really big at it, people kind of encourage you not to do it.
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I mean no disrespect to anything I did before.
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My goal in life was to host the MTV Awards, because it's the awards show that Prince sang on, and that was the awards show that Eddie Murphy hosted and Arsenio hosted.
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Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn't pay for the electricity, he'd pay for the candle on your nightstand, so you can study for the big test tomorrow.
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It's weird with stand-up comedy. It doesn't really translate worldwide. I want to figure out how do I make it worldwide. Do a special in Africa. Can't beat that. Pull that off, then I will have done something.
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Kids raised on a culture of “We’re not going to keep score in the game because we don’t want anybody to lose.” Or just ignoring race to a fault. You can’t say “the black kid over there.” No, it’s “the guy with the red shoes.” You can’t even be offensive on your way to being inoffensive.
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If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
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You only know that you're smart because you're around dumb people from time to time!
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I want my name to be a brand in comedy. I hope my name stands for comedic excellence.
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Anything you can suck at should make you nervous.
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You don’t need no gun control, you know what you need? We need some bullet control. Men, we need to control the bullets, that’s right. I think all bullets should cost five thousand dollars… five thousand dollars per bullet… You know why? Cause if a bullet cost five thousand dollars there would be no more innocent bystanders.
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Oprah is rich Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah's money, he'd jump out of a window and slit his throat on the way down saying, 'I can't even put gas in my plane!'
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I'm happy if everybody else is. I'm a big brother, the oldest. If you're happy and I'm not, I'm cool with that. If I'm happy and you're not, I'm sad.
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I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.
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Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.
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