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When you've been on a ghetto diet your entire life, you're just happy to get a large soda instead of a medium.
Chris Rock
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Chris Rock
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Andrews
South Carolina
Cris Rock
Christopher Julius Rock III
Lil penny
Christopher Rock
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Entire
Large
Instead
Soda
Happy
Ghetto
Life
Diet
Diets
Medium
More quotes by Chris Rock
I know what you're thinking: why is Chris Rock bagging groceries? But I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade, so if I couldn't tell jokes this is exactly what I'd be doing.
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Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.
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Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse.
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If you want to prevent abortions, you make sure everyone has health care, a high school education and birth control. Not the exact opposite.
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Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
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I want my name to be a brand in comedy. I hope my name stands for comedic excellence.
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Black comics, they only watch Black comedians. You're a comedian you're not just a Black comedian. You're a comedian. I try to get that through to everybody.
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When you die at 72, no matter what you die of, it's natural causes. Even if you get hit by a truck, it's natural causes. 'Cause if you was younger, you'd have got out the way!
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If you’re a black Christian, you have a real short memory.
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Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.
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I see as white people finding loopholes in the slavery laws.
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If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket! 'This is a rap killing! Let's get outta here!'
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Every comedian has a moment in his life when he realizes he's a little bit different from everyone else. It's like being the only guy in a movie who sees the ghost. The ghost talks to you and you talk to him. Then you turn to your friend and say, Hey. Do you see that ghost? And he says, What ghost?
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Early in my career it was very important that I gain the reputation. I haven't been on the road in two or three years, but when I say tickets are on sale, I know they're going to be gone, even if my movie bombed or my TV show sucked.
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The two best things you can do for a person is have sex or make them laugh.
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You can only offend me if you mean something to me.
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School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.
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I think it's better to have ideas.
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I've seen women who don't have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day.
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If Bill Gates woke up with Oprah's money he'd jump out the window.
Chris Rock
