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Never go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns? They know you ain't got one.
Chris Rock
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Chris Rock
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Andrews
South Carolina
Cris Rock
Christopher Julius Rock III
Lil penny
Christopher Rock
Humor
Detectors
Inside
Metal
Waiting
Metals
Sure
Guns
Funny
Clubs
Feels
Gun
Never
Outside
Safe
More quotes by Chris Rock
There's no interference in stand-up. It's all the things it's hard to get in film: I get to have a wife, I get to have kids. I get to be sexual. I get to grow. I get to be a man.
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Black people have been qualified to be president for hundreds of years. George Washington Carver could have been president. I could go on with a list of black men that were qualified to be the president of the United States. So the Obama victory is progress for white people.
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Carol Leifer is funny, really funny.
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Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse.
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Happy white peoples independence day the slaves weren't free but I'm sure they enjoyed fireworks.
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When you make comedy, you make it for the people and you try to have as many screenings and as many tests and you do focus groups and you read the cards and you try to give the people what they want in this comedy.
Chris Rock
I never really write the jokes. I just sit down over a week or two and try to figure out what I want to talk about. Once I narrow that down, then I start working on the material, like How do I make this stuff funny?
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If Bill Gates woke up with Oprah's money he'd jump out the window.
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Are we so desperate for entertainment that we will fall for a Trickless magician?? Saw a woman in half. Pull a rabbit out of a hat. Do something! What tricks does this guy have? I'm in a box...and I ain't gonna eat.. I'm in a box... and I ain't gonna eat!! That ain't no trick! That's called living in the projects!
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You can't fake comedy - it's not like a movie, where a director can just cast a pretty face.
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Here's the thing. When we talk about race relations in America or racial progress, it's all nonsense. There are no race relations. White people were crazy. Now they're not as crazy. To say that black people have made progress would be to say they deserve what happened to them before.
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Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
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My first year on 'SNL', I made $90,000 dollars.
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America is the greatest country in the whole world.
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America is the only place where people go hunting on a full stomach.
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Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!
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Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.
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In the world of animation, you can be anything you wanna be. If you're a fat woman, you can play a skinny princess. If you're short wimpy guy, you can play a tall gladiator. If you're a white man, you can play an Arabian prince. And if you're a black man, you can play a donkey or a zebra.
Chris Rock
Give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebra anything but another white man! That last one f***ed up my roof!
Chris Rock
Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.
Chris Rock