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Oprah is rich, Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah's money, he'd jump out a fuckin' window and slit his throat on the way down saying, I can't even put gas in my plane!

Chris Rock

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Chris Rock
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Andrews
South Carolina
Cris Rock
Christopher Julius Rock III
Lil penny
Christopher Rock
Money
Wealthy
Even
Throat
Planes
Slit
Bill
Woke
Window
Gas
Tomorrow
Plane
Saying
Jump
Rich
Gates

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God bless America. And no place else.
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Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
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I never watched the Oscars. Come on, it's a fashion show . . . What straight black man sits there and watches the Oscars? Show me one. And they don't recognize comedy, and you don't see a lot of black people nominated, so why should I watch it?
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Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.
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We got no wealthy black people. We got rich people. Shaq is rich. The guy who signs his checks is wealthy.
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Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep.
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Unlike flying or astral projection, walking through walls is an earthbound pursuit.
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There's no interference in stand-up. It's all the things it's hard to get in film: I get to have a wife, I get to have kids. I get to be sexual. I get to grow. I get to be a man.
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Are we so desperate for entertainment that we will fall for a Trickless magician?? Saw a woman in half. Pull a rabbit out of a hat. Do something! What tricks does this guy have? I'm in a box...and I ain't gonna eat.. I'm in a box... and I ain't gonna eat!! That ain't no trick! That's called living in the projects!
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Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.
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I'm an independent, but I got to admit I lean Democratic.
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I used to have horrible cars that would always end up broken down on the highway. When I tried to flag someone down, nobody stopped. But if I pushed my own car, other drivers would get out and push with me. If you want help, help yourself - people like to see that.
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Everything's funny - in the right context and done by the right person.
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No, I want big ol' titties in my face!
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I've been married for 10 years and, you know, it's hard, you spruce it up and you go places. How do you spruce up anything? Artificially. You go places and do things.
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I know what you're thinking: why is Chris Rock bagging groceries? But I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade, so if I couldn't tell jokes this is exactly what I'd be doing.
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When I hear people talk about juggling or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy because sacrifice infers that there was something better to do than the thing - than being with your children.
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I see guys who can't make 10 percent of what I make, and yet they have four Bentleys, three houses, and four bodyguards.
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If Bill Gates woke up with Oprah's money he'd jump out the window.
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Pretty girls have problems too.
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