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When you have kids, there's no such thing as quality time. There's just time. There's no, 'Ooh, his graduation's better than going to the mall.' It's all kind of equal. Changing her diaper and her winning a contest - it's all good.
Chris Rock
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Chris Rock
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Andrews
South Carolina
Cris Rock
Christopher Julius Rock III
Lil penny
Christopher Rock
Better
Graduation
Thing
Changing
Going
Dad
Diaper
Kind
Equal
Mall
Good
Quality
Diapers
Time
Winning
Malls
Father
Contest
Kids
Contests
More quotes by Chris Rock
I believe you got my property?
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When a musical act performs, the black audience goes crazy for all the stuff, the album cuts, everything. White audiences, they're nice and all, but they're not going to lose it until they get the hits. Comedy is the same thing.
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Stand-up is the only career like that where once you get really big at it, people kind of encourage you not to do it.
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Whoever you hate will end up in your family. You don't like gays? You're gonna have a gay son. You don't like Puerto Ricans? Your daughter's gonna come home with Livin' La Vida Loca!
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Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!
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I see as white people finding loopholes in the slavery laws.
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I see guys who can't make 10 percent of what I make, and yet they have four Bentleys, three houses, and four bodyguards.
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I don't write jokes first. I write down topics. I think of what I want to talk about, and then I write the jokes - they don't write me... And even if you don't think it's funny, you won't think it's boring. You might disagree, but you'll listen. And maybe even laugh as you disagree.
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When you've been on a ghetto diet your entire life, you're just happy to get a large soda instead of a medium.
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America is the only place where people go hunting on a full stomach.
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The government doesn't want you to use YOUR drugs, they want you to use THEIR drugs.
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I can see the humor in just about any situation. After I lost my dad, I realized that none of us should take things too seriously, because everything except death works itself out.
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Men lie the most. Men lie all the time.
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The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other.
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My goal in life was to host the MTV Awards, because it's the awards show that Prince sang on, and that was the awards show that Eddie Murphy hosted and Arsenio hosted.
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The thing I try to get across to the writers - and I do a lot of writing, too - is that when I do stand-up, nothing I talk about is funny. Everything is really sad and tragic and then I make it funny.
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We were so poor my daddy unplugged the clocks when we went to bed.
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If poor people knew how rich rich people are, there would be riots in the streets.
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When you die at 72, no matter what you die of, it's natural causes. Even if you get hit by a truck, it's natural causes. 'Cause if you was younger, you'd have got out the way!
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My movies are okay, but they're not my specials.
Chris Rock
