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I can't cook, but I have a nice book of menus... and I can plate and set the table.

Chris Rock

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Chris Rock
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Andrews
South Carolina
Cris Rock
Christopher Julius Rock III
Lil penny
Christopher Rock
Plates
Cook
Cooks
Table
Tables
Nice
Book
Menus
Plate

More quotes by Chris Rock

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Here's the thing. When we talk about race relations in America or racial progress, it's all nonsense. There are no race relations. White people were crazy. Now they're not as crazy. To say that black people have made progress would be to say they deserve what happened to them before.
Chris Rock
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I never really write the jokes. I just sit down over a week or two and try to figure out what I want to talk about. Once I narrow that down, then I start working on the material, like How do I make this stuff funny?
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I see guys who can't make 10 percent of what I make, and yet they have four Bentleys, three houses, and four bodyguards.
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Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.
Chris Rock
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My first year on 'SNL', I made $90,000 dollars.
Chris Rock
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That's a sure sign someone is going crazy - when he refers to himself in the third person, talks in low tones, and walks around wearing shades all day!
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If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket! 'This is a rap killing! Let's get outta here!'
Chris Rock
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I just thought everybody lived around abandoned buildings and crack-heads, ... I lived in the ghetto until I was like 19. I came to Los Angeles, stayed at hotels and stuff. When I got back and I saw what my neighborhood looked like, I started getting scared.
Chris Rock
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My mother is the kind of woman you don't want to be in line behind at the supermarket. She has coupons for coupons.
Chris Rock
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I do what I can do when I can do it.
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If you’re a black Christian, you have a real short memory.
Chris Rock
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If you live below your means, you can turn down stuff all the time.
Chris Rock
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Oprah is rich Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah's money, he'd jump out of a window and slit his throat on the way down saying, 'I can't even put gas in my plane!'
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Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.
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God bless America. And no place else.
Chris Rock
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Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep.
Chris Rock
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America is the greatest country in the whole world.
Chris Rock
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Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.
Chris Rock
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When you make comedy, you make it for the people and you try to have as many screenings and as many tests and you do focus groups and you read the cards and you try to give the people what they want in this comedy.
Chris Rock
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Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.
Chris Rock