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If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Chris Rock
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Chris Rock
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Andrews
South Carolina
Cris Rock
Christopher Julius Rock III
Lil penny
Christopher Rock
Twenties
Six
Funny
Sixteen
Woman
Twelve
Women
Twenty
Looks
Near
Damn
Tells
More quotes by Chris Rock
When you've been on a ghetto diet your entire life, you're just happy to get a large soda instead of a medium.
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Oprah is rich Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah's money, he'd jump out of a window and slit his throat on the way down saying, 'I can't even put gas in my plane!'
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Comedy is a group activity, a verbal orgy.
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You don't need a critic to tell you people aren't laughing.
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I believe you got my property?
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All people naturally hate. My kid bites people now. I didn't teach my kid to bite anybody. Kids say mean stuff. Only through love do we get this evil out of them. Only through love and structure and discipline do they not hate. The kids that hate didn't learn anything, that's the problem.
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School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.
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You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club, and the sun is out, you got some problems!
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I think all the funny people were bullied. When they talk about outlawing bullying, it's like, what? You want no Comedy Central?
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It's easier to get on show business, the hard part is to maintain. Nobody stays famous forever.
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Tomorrow is more sure than just about anything else in the entire world.
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People are always going to, you know, find something wrong with people who are not the exact same as them. That's just what it is. Black, white, short, tall, religions, whatever. People are bad.
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Whatever your woman is into, you better be into. Whatever your man is into, you better be N2. Your partner into church, you better be into church. Your man or woman a crack head, you better be a crack head ... Otherwise it just won't work.
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If poor people knew how rich rich people are, there would be riots in the streets.
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Gas is getting so expensive I'm gonna ride a mexican to work.
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Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies.
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Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.
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I never had the confidence to say I was going to be in front of the camera as a comedian until I saw Eddie Murphy years later.
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I know what you're thinking: why is Chris Rock bagging groceries? But I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade, so if I couldn't tell jokes this is exactly what I'd be doing.
Chris Rock
Stand-up comedy is like the lowest medium in all of show business in levels of respect.
Chris Rock