Quote

You can't touch the strippers. Why are you paying to not touch someone? That is weird. How do you win in that situation? That is like walking into a deli, starving, and being like, 'Here's $300 - can I stare at the roast beef? Better yet, I'll sit down in this chair and you can mash it around my mouth and balls.

Chris Hardwick

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Chris Hardwick
Age: 52
Born: 1971
Born: November 23
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Louisville
Kentucky
Christopher Ryan Hardwick
Someone
Mouth
Roast
Around
Weird
Beef
Better
Balls
Stare
Mouths
Starving
Like
Touch
Chair
Walking
Chairs
Deli
Situation
Paying
Strippers
Winning
Staring
Mash

More quotes by Chris Hardwick

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I don't know why people don't want to talk about their numbers. I guess in a sense, there's a bit of performer nudity, a bit of ego nudity when you expose your numbers, I guess because someone's are higher or someone's are lower. I've never really talked about the numbers with anyone, so maybe I'm not supposed to.
Chris Hardwick
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Sober strip clubs are horrible. When you are sober you see the matrix code behind a strip club. You're paying girls to pretend to like you until you run out of money so they can walk away.
Chris Hardwick
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Nerdists, unlike nerds, tend to be creators as much as consumers. They're creative consumers.
Chris Hardwick
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Bowling is all physics and energy distribution. It's F = ma. So it is actually one of the most science-y sports, because it literally is just a ball and a surface and objects to knock down.
Chris Hardwick
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Stand up straight. If you stand up straight, you will instantly feel better about yourself, and you will project a better image to the world, one that says you don't feel like you have to be hunched over and closed off.
Chris Hardwick
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No human ever became interesting by not failing. The more you fail and recover and improve, the better you are as a person. Ever meet someone who's always had everything work out for them with zero struggle? They usually have the depth of a puddle. Or they don't exist.
Chris Hardwick
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You walk into a strip club with a wad of cash they all flock around you. Strippers are just pigeons with tits. They go where the bread is.
Chris Hardwick
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I categorize nerds as creative-obsessive. A lot of nerds are creative people who obsess almost unnaturally over the minutiae of things.
Chris Hardwick
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I do lots of crowd work in my set, because I enjoy writing material through riffing and conversation.
Chris Hardwick
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The idea of the archetypal nerd is totally blurred these days. So many people of this current generation have grown up with technology and video games. It's just a part of the world now, a part of our shared culture.
Chris Hardwick
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If you can build your career around your passions, then you're winning in life that's one of the best things you can ask for.
Chris Hardwick
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Both my parents recognized early on that I wanted to do something in comedy, and they were really supportive. They're the ones who bought me Steve Martin records and let me watch R-rated comedies long before they probably should have.
Chris Hardwick
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I feel like being nerd is not about the superficial quality it's about how nerds approach life. It's much more emotional and mental than it is you're some fat guy living in your mom's basement, which I think is just a hacky stereotype.
Chris Hardwick
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The thing about hipsters is that they take very seriously trying to make themselves look like they don't take themselves seriously.
Chris Hardwick
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I'm just gonna do a podcast because it's mine, I can control it, I have complete responsibility over it, and no one can touch it.
Chris Hardwick
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I spent a lot of time bowling as a kid, mostly because I grew up in bowling alleys. They were kind of my playgrounds.
Chris Hardwick
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The difference being that a nerd would wear a D&D shirt because he loves D&D while a hipster would wear a D&D shirt because it's ridiculous that he is wearing a D&D shirt.
Chris Hardwick
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Fleetwood Mac is just one of my all-time favorite bands.
Chris Hardwick
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I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult.
Chris Hardwick
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There's a lot of laughing on a horror movie set. They're magical in that way.
Chris Hardwick