Quote

You can't touch the strippers. Why are you paying to not touch someone? That is weird. How do you win in that situation? That is like walking into a deli, starving, and being like, 'Here's $300 - can I stare at the roast beef? Better yet, I'll sit down in this chair and you can mash it around my mouth and balls.

Chris Hardwick

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Chris Hardwick
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: November 23
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Louisville
Kentucky
Christopher Ryan Hardwick
Someone
Mouth
Roast
Around
Weird
Beef
Better
Balls
Stare
Like
Mouths
Starving
Touch
Chair
Walking
Chairs
Deli
Situation
Paying
Strippers
Winning
Staring
Mash

More quotes by Chris Hardwick

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Comic-Con is nerd Christmas. People go wanting to have fun.
Chris Hardwick
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I do podcasts for the same reasons I do stand-up comedy. I love it, and I don't care if anybody else gets it.
Chris Hardwick
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Comedy has sort of been my life-long obsession. I literally obsessed over comedy. I really didn't play sports - for me it was just comedy, computers and chess club those were my big things.
Chris Hardwick
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With stand-up, there's a little bit of an exaggerated reality because things have to be manipulated to create comedy, to create jokes.
Chris Hardwick
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We will continue to address things, but in as much as I want to talk about politics as they are related to social media, I don't necessarily want to be a political show. I want it to cover everything, everything in our culture through social media, politics, pop culture, entertainment, science, everything.
Chris Hardwick
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I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult.
Chris Hardwick
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There's a lot of money being generated by nerds right now. Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, the list goes on and on. Nerds make more money than our government. And with money comes power.
Chris Hardwick
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Growing up in the 70s and 80s, it took effort to be a nerd. You had to seek out the nerd stuff.
Chris Hardwick
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Every year on my birthday, I start a new playlist titled after my current age so I can keep track of my favorite songs of the year as a sort of musical diary because I am a teenage girl.
Chris Hardwick
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Stand up straight. If you stand up straight, you will instantly feel better about yourself, and you will project a better image to the world, one that says you don't feel like you have to be hunched over and closed off.
Chris Hardwick
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There's something about shooting webs out of my wrists and climbing up things that just makes me happy.
Chris Hardwick
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A lot of people complain in the year 2003 that it's not the world of tomorrow as foreseen in the 1950s. 'Where are the flying cars?' people say. 'Where are the robots who bring us blue drinks and warn us of danger?' Alright. We don't have those things, specifically, folks, but you know what we do have? Laser vaginal rejuvenation surgery.
Chris Hardwick
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I don't know if I'm a Twitter addict. That seems kind of harsh. I would say it's more that I'm seriously involved. That it's a long-term relationship - like a girlfriend, which my actual girlfriend loves to hear.
Chris Hardwick
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Be offended by everything or be offended by nothing.
Chris Hardwick
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My mom is a big sports fans. Basketball, football, baseball, whatever. She calls into sports radio shows and gets into shouting matches, that's how intense she is about it.
Chris Hardwick
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If you wish to achieve any success in this life, do your best to surround yourself with an orgy of good choices.
Chris Hardwick
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Trying to make strangers laugh is crazy and more than a little narcissistic.
Chris Hardwick
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I think some of what makes it a good podcast is that it's organic. It doesn't feel forced. If we can say anything about ours, it's that we're not faking it at all. We're genuinely interested in the people that we're talking to.
Chris Hardwick
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No matter what tricks you use or what decisions you make, go easy on yourself as someone who's on a never-ending quest for improvement.
Chris Hardwick
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One of the many reasons why I love stand-up so much is when you're performing, you get instant feedback. You know if stuff is working right away.
Chris Hardwick