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Playing Xbox for 23 hours straight is cool and all, but I'm going to teach you how to spend time on things in your life that will get you the following two things: paid and laid.

Chris Hardwick

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Chris Hardwick
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: November 23
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Louisville
Kentucky
Christopher Ryan Hardwick
Two
Straight
Going
Cool
Things
Following
Time
Paid
Life
Spend
Playing
Teach
Hours
Laid

More quotes by Chris Hardwick

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A lot of people complain in the year 2003 that it's not the world of tomorrow as foreseen in the 1950s. 'Where are the flying cars?' people say. 'Where are the robots who bring us blue drinks and warn us of danger?' Alright. We don't have those things, specifically, folks, but you know what we do have? Laser vaginal rejuvenation surgery.
Chris Hardwick
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I think the mistake a lot of people make with new media is they just focus on one thing. But any one thing - just doing podcasts or just having a website or just doing television - isn't enough anymore.
Chris Hardwick
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Stand-up isn't something I just sit down and start writing - it's ideas you come up with in the shower, while you're driving, waiting in line.
Chris Hardwick
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Twitter is basically text messaging. Twitter is a guy you can always elbow in the side and say, Hey, look, a guy in a clown suit just threw up! And I don't have 400-800 words to say about that, I just wanted to say that one thing.
Chris Hardwick
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I love the South. Although I grew up primarily in Memphis, my family moved around a ton when I was a kid. I guess I never stayed in one place long enough to pick up the accent, but I definitely identify as a Southerner.
Chris Hardwick
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I feel like being nerd is not about the superficial quality it's about how nerds approach life. It's much more emotional and mental than it is you're some fat guy living in your mom's basement, which I think is just a hacky stereotype.
Chris Hardwick
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I don't know if I'm a Twitter addict. That seems kind of harsh. I would say it's more that I'm seriously involved. That it's a long-term relationship - like a girlfriend, which my actual girlfriend loves to hear.
Chris Hardwick
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The thing about hipsters is that they take very seriously trying to make themselves look like they don't take themselves seriously.
Chris Hardwick
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Growing up in the 70s and 80s, it took effort to be a nerd. You had to seek out the nerd stuff.
Chris Hardwick
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Comic-Con is nerd Christmas. People go wanting to have fun.
Chris Hardwick
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When I was younger, my parents used to say, Trust us on this. We have more experience than you. And I was like, Shut up, you don't know anything! But I was an idiot. They did know more stuff because they'd experienced more things.
Chris Hardwick
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I think doing the podcast may have been one of the best career decisions I've ever made in my life.
Chris Hardwick
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You can't touch the strippers. Why are you paying to not touch someone? That is weird. How do you win in that situation? That is like walking into a deli, starving, and being like, 'Here's $300 - can I stare at the roast beef? Better yet, I'll sit down in this chair and you can mash it around my mouth and balls.
Chris Hardwick
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I had a personal blog, but why does anyone care that I went shopping for hats?
Chris Hardwick
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We're not in an information age anymore. We're in the information management age.
Chris Hardwick
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If you're going into stand-up, you're hyper-analyzing the world and asking as many questions about a thing as you possibly can so you can figure out the ultimate nature of that thing.
Chris Hardwick
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I spent a lot of time bowling as a kid, mostly because I grew up in bowling alleys. They were kind of my playgrounds.
Chris Hardwick
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If you do a joke that's really old, then what happens is people on Reddit and Twitter just go, 'Real original, you're just doing old jokes!' But bands do it all the time.
Chris Hardwick
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Steve Martin said that philosophy is good for comedy because it screws up your thinking just enough, and I agree with that. Being forced to see life's metadata is good training for looking for interesting angles on a topic.
Chris Hardwick
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If you have the opportunity to try different things, you should try different things and step outside your comfort zone and see what works and what doesn't work.
Chris Hardwick