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The nerds provide the toys that distract the morons. So the nerds are sort of the new drug-dealers. We're the drug dealers of the 21st century because we provide all the brain candy for the mouth-breathers, for lack of a better word.

Chris Hardwick

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Chris Hardwick
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: November 23
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Louisville
Kentucky
Christopher Ryan Hardwick
Brain
Toys
Morons
Word
Provide
Nerds
Better
Mouth
Dealers
Mouths
Distract
Lack
Moron
Drug
Dealer
Century
Nerd
Sort
Candy

More quotes by Chris Hardwick

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I do seem like the kind of guy who'd be obsessive about Rubik's Cubes.
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I'm just gonna do a podcast because it's mine, I can control it, I have complete responsibility over it, and no one can touch it.
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Comedy has sort of been my life-long obsession. I literally obsessed over comedy. I really didn't play sports - for me it was just comedy, computers and chess club those were my big things.
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A lot of people complain in the year 2003 that it's not the world of tomorrow as foreseen in the 1950s. 'Where are the flying cars?' people say. 'Where are the robots who bring us blue drinks and warn us of danger?' Alright. We don't have those things, specifically, folks, but you know what we do have? Laser vaginal rejuvenation surgery.
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I just feel like, for me personally, there's just been so much election fatigue, and while I think it was very important during the election to always be on top of everything that was going on with the election via social media, I do feel like, all right, now we need a little bit of a detox. I think people need a little bit of a break from it.
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I was very competitive growing up. I can't even play chess anymore because I used to play tournament chess in school. There's too much sense memory of sitting in front of a chess board and getting super intense about it. It's ruined the game for me.
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No human ever became interesting by not failing. The more you fail and recover and improve, the better you are as a person. Ever meet someone who's always had everything work out for them with zero struggle? They usually have the depth of a puddle. Or they don't exist.
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When I was in grade school I was into chess club, Latin club, D&D, computer camp - everything that made vaginas go away.
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There's a lot of money being generated by nerds right now. Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, the list goes on and on. Nerds make more money than our government. And with money comes power.
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You can't touch the strippers. Why are you paying to not touch someone? That is weird. How do you win in that situation? That is like walking into a deli, starving, and being like, 'Here's $300 - can I stare at the roast beef? Better yet, I'll sit down in this chair and you can mash it around my mouth and balls.
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I do podcasts for the same reasons I do stand-up comedy. I love it, and I don't care if anybody else gets it.
Chris Hardwick
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If you wish to achieve any success in this life, do your best to surround yourself with an orgy of good choices.
Chris Hardwick
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Worry is a misuse of your imagination.
Chris Hardwick
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Growing up in the 70s and 80s, it took effort to be a nerd. You had to seek out the nerd stuff.
Chris Hardwick
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I don't know if I'm a Twitter addict. That seems kind of harsh. I would say it's more that I'm seriously involved. That it's a long-term relationship - like a girlfriend, which my actual girlfriend loves to hear.
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You don't need 30 million people to listen to your podcast. If 10,000 people listen to your podcast, which is not a hard number to achieve, then 10,000 people are listening, and you can build a community, and literally change the world just recording into a microphone.
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It's very easy to attack ourselves. Even comforting in its familiarity, but you must resist this urge at all costs. Dwelling on the past or your perceived flaws will do nothing but keep you under emotional house arrest and hamper your progress. Commit yourself to growth and reward yourself with kindness for choosing to do so!
Chris Hardwick
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What's more unnerving than magnetism, ghosts, and unpurified water? Gadgetmongers who purport to protect us from metaphysical monsters that go bump in the New Age night.
Chris Hardwick
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When I was in school, if you wanted a computer, you had to build one. But today, computers are everywhere. We're all obsessed with technology and having the latest gadgets. Nerd culture is ubiquitous.
Chris Hardwick
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Fleetwood Mac is just one of my all-time favorite bands.
Chris Hardwick