I hate my body Hate what it remembers. Hate what it let him do.

And I'm still alive. That's what I have to focus on. Because I want to live. Even now I can't let myself give up. And that's something I didn't know about myself before - that I have such dogged determination and strength. That I can be completely focused on a goal and work long past what I thought my endurance was, when I have to.

The lack of human voices really gets to me. I never realized that we need to talk with other people just to know that we exist. That we matter. Loneliness is a howling, empty cavern inside of me that just keeps growing.

Other times, I look at my scars and see something else: a girl who was trying to cope with something horrible that she should never have had to live through at all. My scars show pain and suffering, but they also show my will to survive. They're part of my history that'll always be there.

If I don’t do what feels right to me, what I need and want to do, then am I really living?

In Maybe I Will, Laurie Gray writes about important topics that teens need to talk about, including sexual assault, friendship, and alcoholism or self-destructive behaviors that result from trauma. Maybe I Will may help some teens know they're not alone.

You can see when someone's been hurt the way I was. It's obvious. Something changes in their eyes pain becomes their center, even when they try to hide it.