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I'm not going to blow up just for the sake of it, because it's on TV. That's not the issue.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Issue
Blow
Sake
Issues
Going

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

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Paris Hilton is one of the hosts for Nicole Richie’s baby shower, and they’re serving sushi. Awesome, Paris—sushi, the one thing pregnant women are forbidden to eat. Thanks for the mercury.
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I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.
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Don't choose the better guy, choose the guy that's gonna make you the better girl
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We women have to stick together.
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People who have experience and credentials, they should be talking about that [Donald Trump presenting on TV]. I know everybody cares about ratings, but come on. The whole world is watching.
Chelsea Handler
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My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.
Chelsea Handler
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Jessica Simpson attended boyfriend Tony Romo's football game. The Cowboys quarterback had the worst game of his career. It's a bad year for the name Simpson. Even O. J. is pissed - he feels like they're making his name look bad.
Chelsea Handler
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I don't want to be Oprah [Winfrey], I'm not trying to be Barbara Walters, but we can all do better.
Chelsea Handler
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While looking at a website for liposuction, I learned that it was a six-to eight-week recovery period, the clincher being that, during that time, I would under no circumstances be able to use street drugs. Obviously I had to think of a more realistic approach.
Chelsea Handler
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Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. It’s the first time an entire Third World country will have to get immunizations for a visitor.
Chelsea Handler
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I think reality television, unless it's inspirational, which it very rarely is, I think it's embarrassing. It's embarrassing state of affairs that we're in.
Chelsea Handler
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I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.
Chelsea Handler
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The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.
Chelsea Handler
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I like to laugh. It's kind of escapism. I like to make people laugh. And I kind of like people just to have to not think about anything
Chelsea Handler
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The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents.
Chelsea Handler
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Obviously its nice to give your time and especially when there is money being raised. It's rewarding.
Chelsea Handler
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Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.
Chelsea Handler
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Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious? I mean, that makes me want to kill somebody.
Chelsea Handler
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Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.'
Chelsea Handler
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I would never get married while my father is still alive because I wouldn't want him to walk me down the aisle.
Chelsea Handler