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I'm not going to blow up just for the sake of it, because it's on TV. That's not the issue.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Issue
Blow
Sake
Issues
Going

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

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Britney Spears' album Blackout is one of the hottest-selling CDs in the country. We're in a bad place, people: The world is melting, we're at war, and Two and a Half Men is a huge hit.
Chelsea Handler
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I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
Chelsea Handler
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I definitely don't want to have kids ... I don't think I'd be a great mother. I'm a great aunt or friend of a mother ... I don't want to spend that kind of time. I don't want to have a kid and have it raised by a nanny. I don't have time to raise a child.
Chelsea Handler
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There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.
Chelsea Handler
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Whoever calls and asks me to do stuff and obviously, with having your own TV show, people want you to get involved. They know you're a stand-up comedian so they're always looking for somebody funny to host an event.
Chelsea Handler
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Hulk Hogan's wife has filed for divorce. This is the most devastating breakup since Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee. And then Pam Anderson and Kid Rock. And soon, Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon.
Chelsea Handler
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Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious? I mean, that makes me want to kill somebody.
Chelsea Handler
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While looking at a website for liposuction, I learned that it was a six-to eight-week recovery period, the clincher being that, during that time, I would under no circumstances be able to use street drugs. Obviously I had to think of a more realistic approach.
Chelsea Handler
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When I look at all the people that I have working for me and the company I've started and all the people that benefit from it and have a living because of it, it's very motivating to continue to do it.
Chelsea Handler
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The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents.
Chelsea Handler
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You've got guys on freeways with motorbikes with no helmets on, you can't drink until you're 21 and we wonder why so many youth are smoking f - ing cannabis, and you can start driving here at 15. How f - ed up is that?
Chelsea Handler
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People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.
Chelsea Handler
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I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.
Chelsea Handler
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I like to laugh. It's kind of escapism. I like to make people laugh. And I kind of like people just to have to not think about anything
Chelsea Handler
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I try to not overthink anything. I don't understand why nipples are nudity. Who cares? Men can show their nipples but if we have breasts we can't show them?
Chelsea Handler
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But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky.
Chelsea Handler
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I would never get married while my father is still alive because I wouldn't want him to walk me down the aisle.
Chelsea Handler
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I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.
Chelsea Handler
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You get photographed together when there's 25 people with you and people assume that you're having sex, which is definitely not the case.
Chelsea Handler
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We're doing a bunch of shoots with kids about the election, about politics, about racism. I like to talk about heavy topics with kids because you find out what their parents are feeding them at home, and then you find out their quick reactions to things. It's so refreshing when kids are so honest.
Chelsea Handler