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I don't want to be Oprah [Winfrey], I'm not trying to be Barbara Walters, but we can all do better.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Walters
Barbara
Better
Trying

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

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Paris Hilton is one of the hosts for Nicole Richie’s baby shower, and they’re serving sushi. Awesome, Paris—sushi, the one thing pregnant women are forbidden to eat. Thanks for the mercury.
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People confuse the fact that I discuss drinking openly with the idea that I'm a heavy drinker. I don't want girls at my show wasted, screaming and yelling out and vomiting.
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Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.'
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I don't cook... I don't know how to clean... there's may be a good chance I'm an alcoholic.
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I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for quitters
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In these tough economic times, everybody has to cut back. I am down to three tabs of ecstasy a day.
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I'll tell you what can make bacon better... nothing.
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Good Luck Chuck, a comedy starring Dane Cook and Jessica Alba, opened today, and critics are saying it has all the belly laughs you’ve come to expect from Jessica Alba.
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I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
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They travel in groups. You never see an Asian by their self.
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I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.
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I had sex with a couple guys but it wasn't a baseball team. I saved that for my twenties.
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I think bullying of anybody, whether they're gay or straight or anything in high school is unbearable.
Chelsea Handler
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For the gay and lesbian community, even though I'm not gay I think its really important to speak out for people that aren't necessarily dealing with the same circumstances you're dealing with and don't have the benefit of the health care system or the government that you do.
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This women/ killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are, the more calories you burn. That's why psychos are always so skinny.
Chelsea Handler
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I hate that people assume guys are the only ones to want sex. Girls want sex, too, and that shouldn't be a problem.
Chelsea Handler
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If diamonds are a girl's best friend, I wonder if blood diamonds are a girl's best friend 5 days out of the month?
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That's what my perfume would smell like, margarita and vodka.
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I would never get married while my father is still alive because I wouldn't want him to walk me down the aisle.
Chelsea Handler
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I haven't been manipulated. I did a documentary in prison years ago because I was so f - ed off with those lazy bastards in their bed for 18 hours a day, five dishes a day on a menu to choose from, playing soccer every day, going to the gym, watching movies.
Chelsea Handler