Quote

According to the New York Post, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are dating. They must be getting serious - Lance gave Ashley his yellow Live Strong bracelet. She wears it as a belt.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Getting
Post
Strong
Posts
Lance
Live
Dating
Ashley
Must
Yellow
Bracelet
According
Armstrong
York
Belt
Gave
Belts
Serious
Wears

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You should always speak your mind, and be bold, and be obnoxious, and do whatever you want and don’t let anybody tell you to stop it.
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The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents.
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I'm always happy to pitch in and do something. Everybody needs to be laughing a little.
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People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.
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I don't cook... I don't know how to clean... there's may be a good chance I'm an alcoholic.
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My life and my legs have been an open book.
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It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher.
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Before any exposure on TV, I'm a real chef.
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The L. A. Times is reporting that Britney Spears' album Blackout will be number one on the Billboard charts. Not to toot my horn, but I predicted this on my show a week ago. No one wanted to believe me - even I didn't want to believe me, but now I know how Nostradamus feels.
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Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.
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We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.
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I want to start saying bad words all the time!
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I have more respect for somebody who's like, 'Yeah I like to party, so screw off,' then for Tara , who talks about not partying and ends up passed out underneath a Subway, not a subway station, but the actual sandwich shop - two days later.
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My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.
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A lot of amazing comedians that I've worked with just really follow their instincts and you can't really teach someone comedic timing. And you just kind of have it.
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The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.
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A Catholic priest who’s been sending threatening notes to Conan O’Brien was charged with stalking in the fourth degree. It just goes to show you that people can become obsessed with redheads.
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I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.
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I will probably have sex with Eminem after the show is over. Probably, I dont see why I wouldnt. Im fair game, its not like Im that picky, youve seen the guys Ive dated. I like Swizz Beatz, just because I would like to yell out in bed, Swizz Beatz! Keep it coming!
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Is Heather McDonald your best friend? You better get a new one.
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