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Britney Spears' album Blackout is one of the hottest-selling CDs in the country. We're in a bad place, people: The world is melting, we're at war, and Two and a Half Men is a huge hit.
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
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Scuba Diver
Television Actor
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Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
World
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Blackout
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More quotes by Chelsea Handler
You don't mess with janitors, first of all, they have like 40 keys, and 1 is to a closet you don't want to be inside of.
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My life and my legs have been an open book.
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Women don't have to be jealous of other women.
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Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn't be telling their wife about it.
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Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by from day to day. It's a good thing you're so voluptuous.
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You should never be mean to other girls. I don't care what grade you're in. Be nice to people until you're my age... and you have your own TV show.
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No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.
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Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.
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Jessica Simpson attended boyfriend Tony Romo's football game. The Cowboys quarterback had the worst game of his career. It's a bad year for the name Simpson. Even O. J. is pissed - he feels like they're making his name look bad.
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There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.
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People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.
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You get photographed together when there's 25 people with you and people assume that you're having sex, which is definitely not the case.
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Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.
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Obviously you want to be smart enough to take other people's advice and take that into consideration, and obviously try to surround yourself with people that are smarter than you. As far as sticking to your guns, I think there is no better advice than to just find something that you really give a s - about and then go do it.
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We're doing a bunch of shoots with kids about the election, about politics, about racism. I like to talk about heavy topics with kids because you find out what their parents are feeding them at home, and then you find out their quick reactions to things. It's so refreshing when kids are so honest.
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I hate that people assume guys are the only ones to want sex. Girls want sex, too, and that shouldn't be a problem.
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My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.
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Amy Winehouse's mother wrote an open letter to the News of the World newspaper telling Amy she's worried about her and to please call her. I doubt this is the best way to communicate with Amy - she should try spelling it out in lines of cocaine.
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Good Luck Chuck, a comedy starring Dane Cook and Jessica Alba, opened today, and critics are saying it has all the belly laughs you’ve come to expect from Jessica Alba.
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I'm into politics, and I love watching the heavier news magazine shows.
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