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My mom was kinda like a cat. She slept a lot.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Cat
Mom
Like
Slept
Kinda

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I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.
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I like to laugh. It's kind of escapism. I like to make people laugh. And I kind of like people just to have to not think about anything
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Paula Abdul's really impatient to start a family. She says if she has to wait much longer she's going to go crazy-er.
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The important thing is to be drunk.
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[Gordon Ramsay] knows about being bullied, because look at the size of him.
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In these tough economic times, everybody has to cut back. I am down to three tabs of ecstasy a day.
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The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.
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When I look at all the people that I have working for me and the company I've started and all the people that benefit from it and have a living because of it, it's very motivating to continue to do it.
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Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.'
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I definitely don't want to have kids ... I don't think I'd be a great mother. I'm a great aunt or friend of a mother ... I don't want to spend that kind of time. I don't want to have a kid and have it raised by a nanny. I don't have time to raise a child.
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We spend so much money on these dresses that are terrible. And what do we get out of it? Nothing - a piece of chicken and a roll in the hay with her hillbilly cousin - no thank you. My family's very close I can do that at home.
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According to an article on CNN.com, a new study says people who are bad kissers don't get laid. Where are you supposed to learn how to kiss? If you go to Catholic school, it's from your priest in public school, you learn from your teacher and some guys learn from their sisters... if their sister is Angelina Jolie.
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I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.
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My life and my legs have been an open book.
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I like to just follow what I find compelling. In order for me to be compelling, I have to be compelled. I don't try to think about what people are interested in seeing, I have to be interested. For me, that works the best.
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Britney Spears' album Blackout is one of the hottest-selling CDs in the country. We're in a bad place, people: The world is melting, we're at war, and Two and a Half Men is a huge hit.
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Obviously you want to be smart enough to take other people's advice and take that into consideration, and obviously try to surround yourself with people that are smarter than you. As far as sticking to your guns, I think there is no better advice than to just find something that you really give a s - about and then go do it.
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There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
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