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My theory about Taylor Swift is that she's a virgin, that everyone breaks up with her because they date her for two weeks and she's like, 'I'm not gonna do it'.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Theory
Swift
Week
Virgin
Break
Virgins
Everyone
Breaks
Two
Date
Like
Dating
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Gonna
Taylor

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I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them. I've run into Paris Hilton and she's like, Oh, I love your show. And I'm like, You can't love my show if you can hear.
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Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.'
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The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents.
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But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky.
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People tend to call me names that I can't repeat on basic cable. I will give you a hint. They rhyme with itch, hunt, & bore.
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[Gordon Ramsay] knows about being bullied, because look at the size of him.
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The important thing is to be drunk.
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I want to start saying bad words all the time!
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A federal grand jury is investigating allegations that David Copperfield raped, assaulted and threatened a woman he took to his private island in the Bahamas in July. What happened to the good old days when a guy would just saw you in half?
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My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.
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