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It's hard to tell these days what gender people are. You don't know if they're gay, if they're straight, or Bruce Jenner.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
People
Jenner
Bruce
Gender
Gay
Straight
Days
Tell
Hard

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

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According to Life & Style, Lance Armstrong was seen canoodling with fitness model Kim Strother, and the night before, he was with Ashley Olsen. He's going from bar to bar picking up women - how does he get them home? Does he put them on the handlebars, or does he have a banana seat?
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People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.
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Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.
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We're not actors, we're people behaving like ourselves on TV. We're both [me and Gordon Ramsay] exactly who we are on TV. I don't think either one is an exaggerated version. You just have to be who you are.
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My mom was kinda like a cat. She slept a lot.
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If diamonds are a girl's best friend, I wonder if blood diamonds are a girl's best friend 5 days out of the month?
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I think bullying of anybody, whether they're gay or straight or anything in high school is unbearable.
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I've always been exactly who I am on TV. I'm not playing a role.
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Adults end up shading things and shading the truth, and you end up lying and telling people what they want to hear.
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I'm not going to blow up just for the sake of it, because it's on TV. That's not the issue.
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[Gordon Ramsay] knows about being bullied, because look at the size of him.
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Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by from day to day. It's a good thing you're so voluptuous.
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Have you ever been to an AA meeting? No wonder these people are alcoholics - I've never needed a drink more badly in my life.
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For months there have been rumors that J.Lo is finally pregnant with Marc Anthony's baby. She was afraid it might never happen. I'm afraid it's going to look like Marc Anthony.
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My theory about Taylor Swift is that she's a virgin, that everyone breaks up with her because they date her for two weeks and she's like, 'I'm not gonna do it'.
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The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.
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I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them. I've run into Paris Hilton and she's like, Oh, I love your show. And I'm like, You can't love my show if you can hear.
Chelsea Handler
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Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fashioned after MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, but I'll call it AWLTDASH, Alcoholics Who Like to Drink and Stay Home.
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I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.
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I would never get married while my father is still alive because I wouldn't want him to walk me down the aisle.
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