Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.
Chelsea Handler
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
People
Except
Parents
Dead
Parent
Alive
Father
Stills
Still
Apology
More quotes by Chelsea Handler
I want to start saying bad words all the time!
Chelsea Handler
Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. It’s the first time an entire Third World country will have to get immunizations for a visitor.
Chelsea Handler
I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.
Chelsea Handler
He laid into me with the same gusto as a right-wing political pundit on the O'Reilly Factor defending President's Bush right to vacation six days out of the week.
Chelsea Handler
My life and my legs have been an open book.
Chelsea Handler
I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.
Chelsea Handler
Obviously its nice to give your time and especially when there is money being raised. It's rewarding.
Chelsea Handler
My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.
Chelsea Handler
Hispanics still have the highest rate amongst teens with babies so at least the future housekeeping is secure.
Chelsea Handler
We women have to stick together.
Chelsea Handler
... some of the best sex I can barely remember.
Chelsea Handler
It's unfiltered conversation and I love it. I also like to argue with children, so it's the perfect platform for me.
Chelsea Handler
Whoever calls and asks me to do stuff and obviously, with having your own TV show, people want you to get involved. They know you're a stand-up comedian so they're always looking for somebody funny to host an event.
Chelsea Handler
For months there have been rumors that J.Lo is finally pregnant with Marc Anthony's baby. She was afraid it might never happen. I'm afraid it's going to look like Marc Anthony.
Chelsea Handler
I've never made love to a ghost but I have made love to men who are a few years away from becoming a ghost.
Chelsea Handler
I know they don't recommend Ibuprofen during pregnancy, but you needed something fast for the hangovers.
Chelsea Handler
The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents.
Chelsea Handler
We spend so much money on these dresses that are terrible. And what do we get out of it? Nothing - a piece of chicken and a roll in the hay with her hillbilly cousin - no thank you. My family's very close I can do that at home.
Chelsea Handler
I think the people in your life are the people that - when you can make other people happy and you can give things to your family and your friends, you know, that's really obviously what life is all about. But it doesn't have to be children. It doesn't have to be a husband. It can be whatever you make it.
Chelsea Handler
I'm always happy to pitch in and do something. Everybody needs to be laughing a little.
Chelsea Handler
