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Can you imagine getting a gun for a secret Santa? That is especially not a good idea if you work in a post office.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Good
Office
Especially
Imagine
Secret
Getting
Santa
Idea
Post
Ideas
Posts
Work
Gun

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When I look at all the people that I have working for me and the company I've started and all the people that benefit from it and have a living because of it, it's very motivating to continue to do it.
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My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.
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I had sex with a couple guys but it wasn't a baseball team. I saved that for my twenties.
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Everyone knows if you're going to take weed to school, you put it in your trapper keeper to keep it fresh.
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I'm always happy to pitch in and do something. Everybody needs to be laughing a little.
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I like to laugh. It's kind of escapism. I like to make people laugh. And I kind of like people just to have to not think about anything
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There should be a talent that goes along with being famous.
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Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
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I haven't been manipulated. I did a documentary in prison years ago because I was so f - ed off with those lazy bastards in their bed for 18 hours a day, five dishes a day on a menu to choose from, playing soccer every day, going to the gym, watching movies.
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I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.
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You should never be mean to other girls. I don't care what grade you're in. Be nice to people until you're my age... and you have your own TV show.
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I think bullying of anybody, whether they're gay or straight or anything in high school is unbearable.
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A lot of amazing comedians that I've worked with just really follow their instincts and you can't really teach someone comedic timing. And you just kind of have it.
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I wasn’t like 'Oh, I'm going to marry 50 Cent...' I mean, seriously. But I did like him. He's very sweet and antithetical to what you'd think of him.
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I would never sell my dog for a man. I'd sell the man.
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