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Can you imagine getting a gun for a secret Santa? That is especially not a good idea if you work in a post office.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Work
Gun
Good
Office
Especially
Imagine
Secret
Getting
Santa
Idea
Post
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Adults end up shading things and shading the truth, and you end up lying and telling people what they want to hear.
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You get photographed together when there's 25 people with you and people assume that you're having sex, which is definitely not the case.
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Before any exposure on TV, I'm a real chef.
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According to the New York Post, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are dating. They must be getting serious - Lance gave Ashley his yellow Live Strong bracelet. She wears it as a belt.
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In these tough economic times, everybody has to cut back. I am down to three tabs of ecstasy a day.
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I wasn’t like 'Oh, I'm going to marry 50 Cent...' I mean, seriously. But I did like him. He's very sweet and antithetical to what you'd think of him.
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There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
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I'm a worker. I like to work and I like to provide work for other people. I like to put people on my show who normally would never have a chance at being on television.
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Kiefer Sutherland has agreed to serve 48 days in jail for his DUI convictions. That's 245 months in Jack Bauer years.
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I had an abortion when I was 16. Because that's what I should have done. Otherwise I would now have a 20-year-old kid. Anyway, those are things that people shouldn't be dishonest about it.
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Whoever calls and asks me to do stuff and obviously, with having your own TV show, people want you to get involved. They know you're a stand-up comedian so they're always looking for somebody funny to host an event.
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First of all, i'm not an actor - I'm an asshole.
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I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.
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To always trust my instincts, to always believe I have something to offer — no matter how meaningless or stupid it may be — and to never listen to anyone who tells you ‘no.’
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I would never get married while my father is still alive because I wouldn't want him to walk me down the aisle.
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A federal grand jury is investigating allegations that David Copperfield raped, assaulted and threatened a woman he took to his private island in the Bahamas in July. What happened to the good old days when a guy would just saw you in half?
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Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.
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I definitely don't want to have kids ... I don't think I'd be a great mother. I'm a great aunt or friend of a mother ... I don't want to spend that kind of time. I don't want to have a kid and have it raised by a nanny. I don't have time to raise a child.
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