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There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Signs
Warning
Trampoline
Trampolines

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Paris Hilton has launched a new champagne in a can called Rich Prosecco. For the ad campaign Paris posed wearing nothing but gold paint. That’s a unique way to cover up herpes.
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I've always been exactly who I am on TV. I'm not playing a role.
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I had an abortion when I was 16. Because that's what I should have done. Otherwise I would now have a 20-year-old kid. Anyway, those are things that people shouldn't be dishonest about it.
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I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
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If diamonds are a girl's best friend, I wonder if blood diamonds are a girl's best friend 5 days out of the month?
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For months there have been rumors that J.Lo is finally pregnant with Marc Anthony's baby. She was afraid it might never happen. I'm afraid it's going to look like Marc Anthony.
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A lot of people think that keying a car isn't the right way to get back at a guy. I disagree.
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We're not actors, we're people behaving like ourselves on TV. We're both [me and Gordon Ramsay] exactly who we are on TV. I don't think either one is an exaggerated version. You just have to be who you are.
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You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU
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Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.
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If you can't trust your coke dealer, who can you trust?
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Maybe they should name more drugs cute things. I don't do meth, but maybe if they called meth 'Stefanie' I would!
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We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.
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According to the New York Post, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are dating. They must be getting serious - Lance gave Ashley his yellow Live Strong bracelet. She wears it as a belt.
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Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.
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I'm into politics, and I love watching the heavier news magazine shows.
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When I look at all the people that I have working for me and the company I've started and all the people that benefit from it and have a living because of it, it's very motivating to continue to do it.
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Can you imagine getting a gun for a secret Santa? That is especially not a good idea if you work in a post office.
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It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher.
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It's also a terrible kind of sentiment [ reality TV] for children and for people. It makes people feel like they all want to be famous for no reason.
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