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There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Trampoline
Trampolines
Signs
Warning

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I don't cook... I don't know how to clean... there's may be a good chance I'm an alcoholic.
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He laid into me with the same gusto as a right-wing political pundit on the O'Reilly Factor defending President's Bush right to vacation six days out of the week.
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Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious? I mean, that makes me want to kill somebody.
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I'm always happy to pitch in and do something. Everybody needs to be laughing a little.
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There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
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My life and my legs have been an open book.
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Obviously you want to be smart enough to take other people's advice and take that into consideration, and obviously try to surround yourself with people that are smarter than you. As far as sticking to your guns, I think there is no better advice than to just find something that you really give a s - about and then go do it.
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Tara Reid is charging $3,500 for a personal appearance fee. So, for only $3,500 you can either buy a 1998 Jetta with 130,000 miles on it... or Tara Reid, who only has 98,000 miles on her.
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Is Heather McDonald your best friend? You better get a new one.
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It's unfiltered conversation and I love it. I also like to argue with children, so it's the perfect platform for me.
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There should be a talent that goes along with being famous.
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To always trust my instincts, to always believe I have something to offer — no matter how meaningless or stupid it may be — and to never listen to anyone who tells you ‘no.’
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According to an article on CNN.com, a new study says people who are bad kissers don't get laid. Where are you supposed to learn how to kiss? If you go to Catholic school, it's from your priest in public school, you learn from your teacher and some guys learn from their sisters... if their sister is Angelina Jolie.
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There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
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Don't choose the better guy, choose the guy that's gonna make you the better girl
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If you want to have sex with strangers, you have to do it the old fashion way and become a prostitute.
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I have a question. Do you guys think it's OK to drink while you're pregnant if you're planning on giving the baby up for adoption?
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I probably do the most for the gay and lesbian community, or LGBT, but I don't have one that I focus on. I just try and kind of do a lot for different charities.
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Good Luck Chuck, a comedy starring Dane Cook and Jessica Alba, opened today, and critics are saying it has all the belly laughs you’ve come to expect from Jessica Alba.
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Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn't be telling their wife about it.
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