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There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Trampoline
Trampolines
Signs
Warning

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There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
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I have more respect for somebody who's like, 'Yeah I like to party, so screw off,' then for Tara , who talks about not partying and ends up passed out underneath a Subway, not a subway station, but the actual sandwich shop - two days later.
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I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.
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A lot of people think that keying a car isn't the right way to get back at a guy. I disagree.
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That's what my perfume would smell like, margarita and vodka.
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They travel in groups. You never see an Asian by their self.
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I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.
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We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.
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According to an article on CNN.com, a new study says people who are bad kissers don't get laid. Where are you supposed to learn how to kiss? If you go to Catholic school, it's from your priest in public school, you learn from your teacher and some guys learn from their sisters... if their sister is Angelina Jolie.
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Hispanics still have the highest rate amongst teens with babies so at least the future housekeeping is secure.
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First of all, i'm not an actor - I'm an asshole.
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When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point.
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I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second... or the fifth. I'll just begin with what I can remember and not concern myself with order.
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For the gay and lesbian community, even though I'm not gay I think its really important to speak out for people that aren't necessarily dealing with the same circumstances you're dealing with and don't have the benefit of the health care system or the government that you do.
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I'm always happy to pitch in and do something. Everybody needs to be laughing a little.
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I don't understand what apps are on my phone. Why do they ask for passwords? Why do they all ask for different passwords? It's so frustrating that I end up just reading a book every time I try to go online.
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Can you imagine getting a gun for a secret Santa? That is especially not a good idea if you work in a post office.
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Hulk Hogan's wife has filed for divorce. This is the most devastating breakup since Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee. And then Pam Anderson and Kid Rock. And soon, Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon.
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I've always been exactly who I am on TV. I'm not playing a role.
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According to the New York Post, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are dating. They must be getting serious - Lance gave Ashley his yellow Live Strong bracelet. She wears it as a belt.
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