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People tend to call me names that I can't repeat on basic cable. I will give you a hint. They rhyme with itch, hunt, & bore.
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Give
Bores
Itch
Giving
Rhyme
Hint
People
Repeat
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Repeats
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Basic
Hunt
Tend
Hints
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Bore
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Hunts
More quotes by Chelsea Handler
I've never made love to a ghost but I have made love to men who are a few years away from becoming a ghost.
Chelsea Handler
I don't cook... I don't know how to clean... there's may be a good chance I'm an alcoholic.
Chelsea Handler
A federal grand jury is investigating allegations that David Copperfield raped, assaulted and threatened a woman he took to his private island in the Bahamas in July. What happened to the good old days when a guy would just saw you in half?
Chelsea Handler
I'm not going to blow up just for the sake of it, because it's on TV. That's not the issue.
Chelsea Handler
... some of the best sex I can barely remember.
Chelsea Handler
My life and my legs have been an open book.
Chelsea Handler
I have more respect for somebody who's like, 'Yeah I like to party, so screw off,' then for Tara , who talks about not partying and ends up passed out underneath a Subway, not a subway station, but the actual sandwich shop - two days later.
Chelsea Handler
Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn his eyebrows off.
Chelsea Handler
I'll tell you what can make bacon better... nothing.
Chelsea Handler
Hispanics still have the highest rate amongst teens with babies so at least the future housekeeping is secure.
Chelsea Handler
No one has ever said to me 'go home and make a baby.' I have been told several times to go to Planned Parenthood and make the baby go away. Happy Hannukah.
Chelsea Handler
I had sex with a couple guys but it wasn't a baseball team. I saved that for my twenties.
Chelsea Handler
Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.
Chelsea Handler
We're not actors, we're people behaving like ourselves on TV. We're both [me and Gordon Ramsay] exactly who we are on TV. I don't think either one is an exaggerated version. You just have to be who you are.
Chelsea Handler
I'm a worker. I like to work and I like to provide work for other people. I like to put people on my show who normally would never have a chance at being on television.
Chelsea Handler
The L. A. Times is reporting that Britney Spears' album Blackout will be number one on the Billboard charts. Not to toot my horn, but I predicted this on my show a week ago. No one wanted to believe me - even I didn't want to believe me, but now I know how Nostradamus feels.
Chelsea Handler
The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents.
Chelsea Handler
For the gay and lesbian community, even though I'm not gay I think its really important to speak out for people that aren't necessarily dealing with the same circumstances you're dealing with and don't have the benefit of the health care system or the government that you do.
Chelsea Handler
Women don't have to be jealous of other women.
Chelsea Handler
That's what my perfume would smell like, margarita and vodka.
Chelsea Handler
