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People tend to call me names that I can't repeat on basic cable. I will give you a hint. They rhyme with itch, hunt, & bore.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Names
Bore
Call
Hunts
Give
Bores
Itch
Giving
Rhyme
Hint
People
Repeat
Cable
Repeats
Cables
Basic
Hunt
Tend
Hints

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He laid into me with the same gusto as a right-wing political pundit on the O'Reilly Factor defending President's Bush right to vacation six days out of the week.
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Adults end up shading things and shading the truth, and you end up lying and telling people what they want to hear.
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I'll tell you what can make bacon better... nothing.
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I wasn’t like 'Oh, I'm going to marry 50 Cent...' I mean, seriously. But I did like him. He's very sweet and antithetical to what you'd think of him.
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Instead of having a baby, why dont you get a tattoo of a baby first, and see how that works out for six months to a year, and then see if you're ready to have a baby.
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I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for quitters
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The L. A. Times is reporting that Britney Spears' album Blackout will be number one on the Billboard charts. Not to toot my horn, but I predicted this on my show a week ago. No one wanted to believe me - even I didn't want to believe me, but now I know how Nostradamus feels.
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There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.
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When I don't know what to do, I just open my mouth. Why won't anyone date me?
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According to the New York Post, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are dating. They must be getting serious - Lance gave Ashley his yellow Live Strong bracelet. She wears it as a belt.
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Paris Hilton is one of the hosts for Nicole Richie’s baby shower, and they’re serving sushi. Awesome, Paris—sushi, the one thing pregnant women are forbidden to eat. Thanks for the mercury.
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... some of the best sex I can barely remember.
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I've always been exactly who I am on TV. I'm not playing a role.
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As you get older, then you finally come back around full circle when you don't give a s - anymore and you decide I'm going to just tell the truth to everybody. I don't give a s - if anybody likes me.
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I'm into politics, and I love watching the heavier news magazine shows.
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Can you imagine getting a gun for a secret Santa? That is especially not a good idea if you work in a post office.
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People always tell me I need to have a kid, and I say, No, I don't. Because I wouldn't have just one kid I'd have six. I need a huge family. So I just kind of fill my house with tons of rejects and misfits so it feels like I have a bunch of children.
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Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn his eyebrows off.
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But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky.
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Amy Winehouse's mother wrote an open letter to the News of the World newspaper telling Amy she's worried about her and to please call her. I doubt this is the best way to communicate with Amy - she should try spelling it out in lines of cocaine.
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