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I had sex with a couple guys but it wasn't a baseball team. I saved that for my twenties.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Team
Guy
Twenties
Saved
Baseball
Guys
Sex
Couple
Wasn

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

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... some of the best sex I can barely remember.
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Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
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I would never sell my dog for a man. I'd sell the man.
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Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.
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You don't give something away because it's fat. You take it and you look at it.
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As you get older, then you finally come back around full circle when you don't give a s - anymore and you decide I'm going to just tell the truth to everybody. I don't give a s - if anybody likes me.
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We spend so much money on these dresses that are terrible. And what do we get out of it? Nothing - a piece of chicken and a roll in the hay with her hillbilly cousin - no thank you. My family's very close I can do that at home.
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In these tough economic times, everybody has to cut back. I am down to three tabs of ecstasy a day.
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There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.
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This women/ killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are, the more calories you burn. That's why psychos are always so skinny.
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While looking at a website for liposuction, I learned that it was a six-to eight-week recovery period, the clincher being that, during that time, I would under no circumstances be able to use street drugs. Obviously I had to think of a more realistic approach.
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I think being able to have follow-through, I think a lot of people who are in charge, that is the one quality that you can't forsake. You can get opinions, but you can't have too many cooks in the kitchen when you're envisioning something.
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I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.
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A lot of amazing comedians that I've worked with just really follow their instincts and you can't really teach someone comedic timing. And you just kind of have it.
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My mom was kinda like a cat. She slept a lot.
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Kiefer Sutherland has agreed to serve 48 days in jail for his DUI convictions. That's 245 months in Jack Bauer years.
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I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them. I've run into Paris Hilton and she's like, Oh, I love your show. And I'm like, You can't love my show if you can hear.
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I don't understand what apps are on my phone. Why do they ask for passwords? Why do they all ask for different passwords? It's so frustrating that I end up just reading a book every time I try to go online.
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Or people who have one baby and go buy a minivan... how big is your baby?
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When I don't know what to do, I just open my mouth. Why won't anyone date me?
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