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When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point.
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Exclamation
Popping
Veins
Neck
Necks
Point
More quotes by Chelsea Handler
Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.
Chelsea Handler
I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.
Chelsea Handler
We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.
Chelsea Handler
You've got guys on freeways with motorbikes with no helmets on, you can't drink until you're 21 and we wonder why so many youth are smoking f - ing cannabis, and you can start driving here at 15. How f - ed up is that?
Chelsea Handler
To always trust my instincts, to always believe I have something to offer — no matter how meaningless or stupid it may be — and to never listen to anyone who tells you ‘no.’
Chelsea Handler
The important thing is to be drunk.
Chelsea Handler
My theory about Taylor Swift is that she's a virgin, that everyone breaks up with her because they date her for two weeks and she's like, 'I'm not gonna do it'.
Chelsea Handler
We're doing a bunch of shoots with kids about the election, about politics, about racism. I like to talk about heavy topics with kids because you find out what their parents are feeding them at home, and then you find out their quick reactions to things. It's so refreshing when kids are so honest.
Chelsea Handler
The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.
Chelsea Handler
When I look at all the people that I have working for me and the company I've started and all the people that benefit from it and have a living because of it, it's very motivating to continue to do it.
Chelsea Handler
Before any exposure on TV, I'm a real chef.
Chelsea Handler
Jessica Simpson attended boyfriend Tony Romo's football game. The Cowboys quarterback had the worst game of his career. It's a bad year for the name Simpson. Even O. J. is pissed - he feels like they're making his name look bad.
Chelsea Handler
People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.
Chelsea Handler
I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.
Chelsea Handler
You just be honest about who you are, and if you dont end up with any friends, then good for you.
Chelsea Handler
You don't give something away because it's fat. You take it and you look at it.
Chelsea Handler
Is Heather McDonald your best friend? You better get a new one.
Chelsea Handler
I had sex with a couple guys but it wasn't a baseball team. I saved that for my twenties.
Chelsea Handler
You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU
Chelsea Handler
For months there have been rumors that J.Lo is finally pregnant with Marc Anthony's baby. She was afraid it might never happen. I'm afraid it's going to look like Marc Anthony.
Chelsea Handler
