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When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Popping
Veins
Neck
Necks
Point
Exclamation

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

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There should be a talent that goes along with being famous.
Chelsea Handler
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Rumer Willis was having a great time at the opening of a club when her twin walked in, also known as her dad, Bruce Willis. How embarrassing for her, she's out with her friends and they're like, 'Umm, Rumer, I think your dad put something in my drink.'
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According to the New York Post, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are dating. They must be getting serious - Lance gave Ashley his yellow Live Strong bracelet. She wears it as a belt.
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If diamonds are a girl's best friend, I wonder if blood diamonds are a girl's best friend 5 days out of the month?
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I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
Chelsea Handler
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I definitely don't want to have kids ... I don't think I'd be a great mother. I'm a great aunt or friend of a mother ... I don't want to spend that kind of time. I don't want to have a kid and have it raised by a nanny. I don't have time to raise a child.
Chelsea Handler
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Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.'
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Maybe they should name more drugs cute things. I don't do meth, but maybe if they called meth 'Stefanie' I would!
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I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.
Chelsea Handler
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If you want to have sex with strangers, you have to do it the old fashion way and become a prostitute.
Chelsea Handler
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I know they don't recommend Ibuprofen during pregnancy, but you needed something fast for the hangovers.
Chelsea Handler
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The important thing is to be drunk.
Chelsea Handler
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You don't give something away because it's fat. You take it and you look at it.
Chelsea Handler
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I like to laugh. It's kind of escapism. I like to make people laugh. And I kind of like people just to have to not think about anything
Chelsea Handler
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Obviously you want to be smart enough to take other people's advice and take that into consideration, and obviously try to surround yourself with people that are smarter than you. As far as sticking to your guns, I think there is no better advice than to just find something that you really give a s - about and then go do it.
Chelsea Handler
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The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.
Chelsea Handler
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I'm not going to blow up just for the sake of it, because it's on TV. That's not the issue.
Chelsea Handler
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Or people who have one baby and go buy a minivan... how big is your baby?
Chelsea Handler
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I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.
Chelsea Handler
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There's a difference between watching a chef show, which doesn't feel like a reality show compared to the Housewives. Those shows can, I think, not only lower your IQ, but really just knock the wind out of you, because we're all here in this business.
Chelsea Handler