Quote

If diamonds are a girl's best friend, I wonder if blood diamonds are a girl's best friend 5 days out of the month?

Chelsea Handler

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Days
Wonder
Girl
Diamonds
Best
Diamond
Month
Months
Friend
Blood

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

Image
Everyone knows if you're going to take weed to school, you put it in your trapper keeper to keep it fresh.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I definitely don't want to have kids ... I don't think I'd be a great mother. I'm a great aunt or friend of a mother ... I don't want to spend that kind of time. I don't want to have a kid and have it raised by a nanny. I don't have time to raise a child.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I'm not going to blow up just for the sake of it, because it's on TV. That's not the issue.
Chelsea Handler
Image
Paris Hilton is one of the hosts for Nicole Richie’s baby shower, and they’re serving sushi. Awesome, Paris—sushi, the one thing pregnant women are forbidden to eat. Thanks for the mercury.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them. I've run into Paris Hilton and she's like, Oh, I love your show. And I'm like, You can't love my show if you can hear.
Chelsea Handler
Image
Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.
Chelsea Handler
Image
It's unfiltered conversation and I love it. I also like to argue with children, so it's the perfect platform for me.
Chelsea Handler
Image
My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time I've tried to put forth an effort, I am reminded that my only true strength lies in drinking.
Chelsea Handler
Image
There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
Chelsea Handler
Image
In these tough economic times, everybody has to cut back. I am down to three tabs of ecstasy a day.
Chelsea Handler
Image
When I don't know what to do, I just open my mouth. Why won't anyone date me?
Chelsea Handler
Image
I tried to put myself up for adoption several times.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I'll tell you what can make bacon better... nothing.
Chelsea Handler
Image
Tara Reid is charging $3,500 for a personal appearance fee. So, for only $3,500 you can either buy a 1998 Jetta with 130,000 miles on it... or Tara Reid, who only has 98,000 miles on her.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I think the people in your life are the people that - when you can make other people happy and you can give things to your family and your friends, you know, that's really obviously what life is all about. But it doesn't have to be children. It doesn't have to be a husband. It can be whatever you make it.
Chelsea Handler
Image
No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.
Chelsea Handler
Image
Paris Hilton has launched a new champagne in a can called Rich Prosecco. For the ad campaign Paris posed wearing nothing but gold paint. That’s a unique way to cover up herpes.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I don't want to be Oprah [Winfrey], I'm not trying to be Barbara Walters, but we can all do better.
Chelsea Handler
Image
This women/ killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are, the more calories you burn. That's why psychos are always so skinny.
Chelsea Handler