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If diamonds are a girl's best friend, I wonder if blood diamonds are a girl's best friend 5 days out of the month?

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Month
Months
Friend
Blood
Days
Wonder
Girl
Diamonds
Best
Diamond

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I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.
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Obviously its nice to give your time and especially when there is money being raised. It's rewarding.
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I'm into politics, and I love watching the heavier news magazine shows.
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My life and my legs have been an open book.
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Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn his eyebrows off.
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I haven't been manipulated. I did a documentary in prison years ago because I was so f - ed off with those lazy bastards in their bed for 18 hours a day, five dishes a day on a menu to choose from, playing soccer every day, going to the gym, watching movies.
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Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn't be telling their wife about it.
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I probably do the most for the gay and lesbian community, or LGBT, but I don't have one that I focus on. I just try and kind of do a lot for different charities.
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We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.
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My mom was kinda like a cat. She slept a lot.
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Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. It’s the first time an entire Third World country will have to get immunizations for a visitor.
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I think it's important to be authentic to who you are, and if you're inauthentic at all, people smell that from a mile away.
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Hispanics still have the highest rate amongst teens with babies so at least the future housekeeping is secure.
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I like to just follow what I find compelling. In order for me to be compelling, I have to be compelled. I don't try to think about what people are interested in seeing, I have to be interested. For me, that works the best.
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I think reality television, unless it's inspirational, which it very rarely is, I think it's embarrassing. It's embarrassing state of affairs that we're in.
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It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher.
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Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fashioned after MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, but I'll call it AWLTDASH, Alcoholics Who Like to Drink and Stay Home.
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You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU
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I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.
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The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents.
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