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Is Heather McDonald your best friend? You better get a new one.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Heather
Heathers
Mcdonald
Friend
Best
Better

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Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.
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A federal grand jury is investigating allegations that David Copperfield raped, assaulted and threatened a woman he took to his private island in the Bahamas in July. What happened to the good old days when a guy would just saw you in half?
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Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
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For months there have been rumors that J.Lo is finally pregnant with Marc Anthony's baby. She was afraid it might never happen. I'm afraid it's going to look like Marc Anthony.
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We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.
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Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.
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Amy Winehouse's mother wrote an open letter to the News of the World newspaper telling Amy she's worried about her and to please call her. I doubt this is the best way to communicate with Amy - she should try spelling it out in lines of cocaine.
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I haven't been manipulated. I did a documentary in prison years ago because I was so f - ed off with those lazy bastards in their bed for 18 hours a day, five dishes a day on a menu to choose from, playing soccer every day, going to the gym, watching movies.
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No one has ever said to me 'go home and make a baby.' I have been told several times to go to Planned Parenthood and make the baby go away. Happy Hannukah.
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The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.
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I have more respect for somebody who's like, 'Yeah I like to party, so screw off,' then for Tara , who talks about not partying and ends up passed out underneath a Subway, not a subway station, but the actual sandwich shop - two days later.
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... some of the best sex I can barely remember.
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Jessica Simpson attended boyfriend Tony Romo's football game. The Cowboys quarterback had the worst game of his career. It's a bad year for the name Simpson. Even O. J. is pissed - he feels like they're making his name look bad.
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My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.
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There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
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There should be a talent that goes along with being famous.
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Everyone knows if you're going to take weed to school, you put it in your trapper keeper to keep it fresh.
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While looking at a website for liposuction, I learned that it was a six-to eight-week recovery period, the clincher being that, during that time, I would under no circumstances be able to use street drugs. Obviously I had to think of a more realistic approach.
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[Gordon Ramsay] knows about being bullied, because look at the size of him.
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I think it's important to be authentic to who you are, and if you're inauthentic at all, people smell that from a mile away.
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