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I would never get married while my father is still alive because I wouldn't want him to walk me down the aisle.
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Wouldn
Walks
Alive
Father
Stills
Still
Aisle
Never
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Would
Walk
More quotes by Chelsea Handler
I haven't been manipulated. I did a documentary in prison years ago because I was so f - ed off with those lazy bastards in their bed for 18 hours a day, five dishes a day on a menu to choose from, playing soccer every day, going to the gym, watching movies.
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Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. It’s the first time an entire Third World country will have to get immunizations for a visitor.
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Women don't have to be jealous of other women.
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Rumer Willis was having a great time at the opening of a club when her twin walked in, also known as her dad, Bruce Willis. How embarrassing for her, she's out with her friends and they're like, 'Umm, Rumer, I think your dad put something in my drink.'
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Instead of having a baby, why dont you get a tattoo of a baby first, and see how that works out for six months to a year, and then see if you're ready to have a baby.
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There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.
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Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
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I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for quitters
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I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.
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If you want to have sex with strangers, you have to do it the old fashion way and become a prostitute.
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To always trust my instincts, to always believe I have something to offer — no matter how meaningless or stupid it may be — and to never listen to anyone who tells you ‘no.’
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I have a question. Do you guys think it's OK to drink while you're pregnant if you're planning on giving the baby up for adoption?
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People confuse the fact that I discuss drinking openly with the idea that I'm a heavy drinker. I don't want girls at my show wasted, screaming and yelling out and vomiting.
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Have you ever been to an AA meeting? No wonder these people are alcoholics - I've never needed a drink more badly in my life.
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First of all, i'm not an actor - I'm an asshole.
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When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point.
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The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.
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When I look at all the people that I have working for me and the company I've started and all the people that benefit from it and have a living because of it, it's very motivating to continue to do it.
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Amy Winehouse's mother wrote an open letter to the News of the World newspaper telling Amy she's worried about her and to please call her. I doubt this is the best way to communicate with Amy - she should try spelling it out in lines of cocaine.
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