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It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher.
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Catchers
Softball
Pitcher
Gay
Team
Hard
Catcher
More quotes by Chelsea Handler
I think it's important to be authentic to who you are, and if you're inauthentic at all, people smell that from a mile away.
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My life and my legs have been an open book.
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No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.
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If you do talk dirty, make sure that you enunciate because there's nothing more embarrassing than having to repeat yourself.
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I think they should make Twilight closets and all the cast members can walk out of them.
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I don't cook... I don't know how to clean... there's may be a good chance I'm an alcoholic.
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There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
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I tried to put myself up for adoption several times.
Chelsea Handler
I've never made love to a ghost but I have made love to men who are a few years away from becoming a ghost.
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The L. A. Times is reporting that Britney Spears' album Blackout will be number one on the Billboard charts. Not to toot my horn, but I predicted this on my show a week ago. No one wanted to believe me - even I didn't want to believe me, but now I know how Nostradamus feels.
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I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.
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I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
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I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.
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I understand that if you're a kid in Indonesia, you need to smoke because you just got off work at the Nike factory.
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I hate that people assume guys are the only ones to want sex. Girls want sex, too, and that shouldn't be a problem.
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Women don't have to be jealous of other women.
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Whoever calls and asks me to do stuff and obviously, with having your own TV show, people want you to get involved. They know you're a stand-up comedian so they're always looking for somebody funny to host an event.
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In these tough economic times, everybody has to cut back. I am down to three tabs of ecstasy a day.
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Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
Chelsea Handler
I think the people in your life are the people that - when you can make other people happy and you can give things to your family and your friends, you know, that's really obviously what life is all about. But it doesn't have to be children. It doesn't have to be a husband. It can be whatever you make it.
Chelsea Handler
