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Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious? I mean, that makes me want to kill somebody.
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Somebody
Getting
Makes
Mean
Rewarded
Pregnant
Teenager
Kill
Serious
More quotes by Chelsea Handler
We're not actors, we're people behaving like ourselves on TV. We're both [me and Gordon Ramsay] exactly who we are on TV. I don't think either one is an exaggerated version. You just have to be who you are.
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I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for quitters
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It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher.
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For the gay and lesbian community, even though I'm not gay I think its really important to speak out for people that aren't necessarily dealing with the same circumstances you're dealing with and don't have the benefit of the health care system or the government that you do.
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Britney Spears' album Blackout is one of the hottest-selling CDs in the country. We're in a bad place, people: The world is melting, we're at war, and Two and a Half Men is a huge hit.
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Or people who have one baby and go buy a minivan... how big is your baby?
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If you can't trust your coke dealer, who can you trust?
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Adults end up shading things and shading the truth, and you end up lying and telling people what they want to hear.
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Paula Abdul's really impatient to start a family. She says if she has to wait much longer she's going to go crazy-er.
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Kiefer Sutherland has agreed to serve 48 days in jail for his DUI convictions. That's 245 months in Jack Bauer years.
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No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.
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Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn his eyebrows off.
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Hulk Hogan's wife has filed for divorce. This is the most devastating breakup since Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee. And then Pam Anderson and Kid Rock. And soon, Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon.
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There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
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My mom was kinda like a cat. She slept a lot.
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I think it's important to be authentic to who you are, and if you're inauthentic at all, people smell that from a mile away.
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Women don't have to be jealous of other women.
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Don't choose the better guy, choose the guy that's gonna make you the better girl
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Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.
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I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second... or the fifth. I'll just begin with what I can remember and not concern myself with order.
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