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If you can't trust your coke dealer, who can you trust?

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Dealer
Coke
Trust

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

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There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
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People confuse the fact that I discuss drinking openly with the idea that I'm a heavy drinker. I don't want girls at my show wasted, screaming and yelling out and vomiting.
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This women/ killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are, the more calories you burn. That's why psychos are always so skinny.
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I tried to put myself up for adoption several times.
Chelsea Handler
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I'm into politics, and I love watching the heavier news magazine shows.
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I think it's important to be authentic to who you are, and if you're inauthentic at all, people smell that from a mile away.
Chelsea Handler
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Obviously you want to be smart enough to take other people's advice and take that into consideration, and obviously try to surround yourself with people that are smarter than you. As far as sticking to your guns, I think there is no better advice than to just find something that you really give a s - about and then go do it.
Chelsea Handler
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Rumer Willis was having a great time at the opening of a club when her twin walked in, also known as her dad, Bruce Willis. How embarrassing for her, she's out with her friends and they're like, 'Umm, Rumer, I think your dad put something in my drink.'
Chelsea Handler
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We women have to stick together.
Chelsea Handler
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Have you ever been to an AA meeting? No wonder these people are alcoholics - I've never needed a drink more badly in my life.
Chelsea Handler
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I have a question. Do you guys think it's OK to drink while you're pregnant if you're planning on giving the baby up for adoption?
Chelsea Handler
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Obviously its nice to give your time and especially when there is money being raised. It's rewarding.
Chelsea Handler
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Everyone knows if you're going to take weed to school, you put it in your trapper keeper to keep it fresh.
Chelsea Handler
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My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time I've tried to put forth an effort, I am reminded that my only true strength lies in drinking.
Chelsea Handler
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I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.
Chelsea Handler
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I was a fitness fiasco - until I found Pilates . . . It's been the most gentle on my body I'm longer and leaner and much more graceful. I can honestly say it's changed my body - and my life.
Chelsea Handler
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I don't cook... I don't know how to clean... there's may be a good chance I'm an alcoholic.
Chelsea Handler
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The L. A. Times is reporting that Britney Spears' album Blackout will be number one on the Billboard charts. Not to toot my horn, but I predicted this on my show a week ago. No one wanted to believe me - even I didn't want to believe me, but now I know how Nostradamus feels.
Chelsea Handler
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You get photographed together when there's 25 people with you and people assume that you're having sex, which is definitely not the case.
Chelsea Handler
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Maybe they should name more drugs cute things. I don't do meth, but maybe if they called meth 'Stefanie' I would!
Chelsea Handler