Quote

I'll tell you what can make bacon better... nothing.

Chelsea Handler

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Bacon
Tell
Better
Nothing
Make

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

Image
He laid into me with the same gusto as a right-wing political pundit on the O'Reilly Factor defending President's Bush right to vacation six days out of the week.
Chelsea Handler
Image
That's what my perfume would smell like, margarita and vodka.
Chelsea Handler
Image
Adults end up shading things and shading the truth, and you end up lying and telling people what they want to hear.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I have more respect for somebody who's like, 'Yeah I like to party, so screw off,' then for Tara , who talks about not partying and ends up passed out underneath a Subway, not a subway station, but the actual sandwich shop - two days later.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I don't want to be Oprah [Winfrey], I'm not trying to be Barbara Walters, but we can all do better.
Chelsea Handler
Image
They travel in groups. You never see an Asian by their self.
Chelsea Handler
Image
In these tough economic times, everybody has to cut back. I am down to three tabs of ecstasy a day.
Chelsea Handler
Image
Paris Hilton is one of the hosts for Nicole Richie’s baby shower, and they’re serving sushi. Awesome, Paris—sushi, the one thing pregnant women are forbidden to eat. Thanks for the mercury.
Chelsea Handler
Image
When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point.
Chelsea Handler
Image
We women have to stick together.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
Chelsea Handler
Image
No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.
Chelsea Handler
Image
Kiefer Sutherland has agreed to serve 48 days in jail for his DUI convictions. That's 245 months in Jack Bauer years.
Chelsea Handler
Image
I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.
Chelsea Handler
Image
You should always speak your mind, and be bold, and be obnoxious, and do whatever you want and don’t let anybody tell you to stop it.
Chelsea Handler
Image
We're doing a bunch of shoots with kids about the election, about politics, about racism. I like to talk about heavy topics with kids because you find out what their parents are feeding them at home, and then you find out their quick reactions to things. It's so refreshing when kids are so honest.
Chelsea Handler
Image
There's a McDonalds in Hong Kong & they're offering couples the opportunity to get married. You can have a McWedding.
Chelsea Handler
Image
A lot of amazing comedians that I've worked with just really follow their instincts and you can't really teach someone comedic timing. And you just kind of have it.
Chelsea Handler
Image
My mom was kinda like a cat. She slept a lot.
Chelsea Handler
Image
The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.
Chelsea Handler