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My life and my legs have been an open book.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Open
Book
Life
Legs

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

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My mom was kinda like a cat. She slept a lot.
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I had sex with a couple guys but it wasn't a baseball team. I saved that for my twenties.
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I have been on a life-long search of how to stay in shape without putting any effort into it whatsoever.
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If you can't trust your coke dealer, who can you trust?
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Hispanics still have the highest rate amongst teens with babies so at least the future housekeeping is secure.
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There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.
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A lot of amazing comedians that I've worked with just really follow their instincts and you can't really teach someone comedic timing. And you just kind of have it.
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Obviously you want to be smart enough to take other people's advice and take that into consideration, and obviously try to surround yourself with people that are smarter than you. As far as sticking to your guns, I think there is no better advice than to just find something that you really give a s - about and then go do it.
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The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents.
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It's also a terrible kind of sentiment [ reality TV] for children and for people. It makes people feel like they all want to be famous for no reason.
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I would never get married while my father is still alive because I wouldn't want him to walk me down the aisle.
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There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
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My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.
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You should never be mean to other girls. I don't care what grade you're in. Be nice to people until you're my age... and you have your own TV show.
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According to Life & Style, Lance Armstrong was seen canoodling with fitness model Kim Strother, and the night before, he was with Ashley Olsen. He's going from bar to bar picking up women - how does he get them home? Does he put them on the handlebars, or does he have a banana seat?
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Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
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It's good that people don't like you. That's good. It means that you are doing something interesting.
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Tara Reid is charging $3,500 for a personal appearance fee. So, for only $3,500 you can either buy a 1998 Jetta with 130,000 miles on it... or Tara Reid, who only has 98,000 miles on her.
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Adults end up shading things and shading the truth, and you end up lying and telling people what they want to hear.
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We spend so much money on these dresses that are terrible. And what do we get out of it? Nothing - a piece of chicken and a roll in the hay with her hillbilly cousin - no thank you. My family's very close I can do that at home.
Chelsea Handler