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My life and my legs have been an open book.
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
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Book
Life
Legs
More quotes by Chelsea Handler
I don't understand what apps are on my phone. Why do they ask for passwords? Why do they all ask for different passwords? It's so frustrating that I end up just reading a book every time I try to go online.
Chelsea Handler
While looking at a website for liposuction, I learned that it was a six-to eight-week recovery period, the clincher being that, during that time, I would under no circumstances be able to use street drugs. Obviously I had to think of a more realistic approach.
Chelsea Handler
The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.
Chelsea Handler
We women have to stick together.
Chelsea Handler
If you want to have sex with strangers, you have to do it the old fashion way and become a prostitute.
Chelsea Handler
Paris Hilton has launched a new champagne in a can called Rich Prosecco. For the ad campaign Paris posed wearing nothing but gold paint. That’s a unique way to cover up herpes.
Chelsea Handler
I think reality television, unless it's inspirational, which it very rarely is, I think it's embarrassing. It's embarrassing state of affairs that we're in.
Chelsea Handler
If you do talk dirty, make sure that you enunciate because there's nothing more embarrassing than having to repeat yourself.
Chelsea Handler
People who have experience and credentials, they should be talking about that [Donald Trump presenting on TV]. I know everybody cares about ratings, but come on. The whole world is watching.
Chelsea Handler
If someone took the 'F' letter off me, I'd be ucked.
Chelsea Handler
I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for quitters
Chelsea Handler
I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
Chelsea Handler
Women don't have to be jealous of other women.
Chelsea Handler
I'm not going to blow up just for the sake of it, because it's on TV. That's not the issue.
Chelsea Handler
The important thing is to be drunk.
Chelsea Handler
It's also a terrible kind of sentiment [ reality TV] for children and for people. It makes people feel like they all want to be famous for no reason.
Chelsea Handler
My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.
Chelsea Handler
There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
Chelsea Handler
People tend to call me names that I can't repeat on basic cable. I will give you a hint. They rhyme with itch, hunt, & bore.
Chelsea Handler
You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU
Chelsea Handler
