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You don't mess with janitors, first of all, they have like 40 keys, and 1 is to a closet you don't want to be inside of.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Mess
Keys
Inside
Firsts
First
Janitors
Like
Janitor
Closet
Closets

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

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I would never sell my dog for a man. I'd sell the man.
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People tend to call me names that I can't repeat on basic cable. I will give you a hint. They rhyme with itch, hunt, & bore.
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Hispanics still have the highest rate amongst teens with babies so at least the future housekeeping is secure.
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I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.
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I had sex with a couple guys but it wasn't a baseball team. I saved that for my twenties.
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I think they should make Twilight closets and all the cast members can walk out of them.
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A lot of amazing comedians that I've worked with just really follow their instincts and you can't really teach someone comedic timing. And you just kind of have it.
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It's also a terrible kind of sentiment [ reality TV] for children and for people. It makes people feel like they all want to be famous for no reason.
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My mom was kinda like a cat. She slept a lot.
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You just be honest about who you are, and if you dont end up with any friends, then good for you.
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Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn't be telling their wife about it.
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Tara Reid is charging $3,500 for a personal appearance fee. So, for only $3,500 you can either buy a 1998 Jetta with 130,000 miles on it... or Tara Reid, who only has 98,000 miles on her.
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For months there have been rumors that J.Lo is finally pregnant with Marc Anthony's baby. She was afraid it might never happen. I'm afraid it's going to look like Marc Anthony.
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Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn his eyebrows off.
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You've got guys on freeways with motorbikes with no helmets on, you can't drink until you're 21 and we wonder why so many youth are smoking f - ing cannabis, and you can start driving here at 15. How f - ed up is that?
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You get photographed together when there's 25 people with you and people assume that you're having sex, which is definitely not the case.
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I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.
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I will probably have sex with Eminem after the show is over. Probably, I dont see why I wouldnt. Im fair game, its not like Im that picky, youve seen the guys Ive dated. I like Swizz Beatz, just because I would like to yell out in bed, Swizz Beatz! Keep it coming!
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My theory about Taylor Swift is that she's a virgin, that everyone breaks up with her because they date her for two weeks and she's like, 'I'm not gonna do it'.
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A lot of people think that keying a car isn't the right way to get back at a guy. I disagree.
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