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I've never made love to a ghost but I have made love to men who are a few years away from becoming a ghost.

Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Away
Made
Years
Never
Men
Love
Ghost
Becoming

More quotes by Chelsea Handler

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Before any exposure on TV, I'm a real chef.
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You should never be mean to other girls. I don't care what grade you're in. Be nice to people until you're my age... and you have your own TV show.
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I understand that if you're a kid in Indonesia, you need to smoke because you just got off work at the Nike factory.
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When I don't know what to do, I just open my mouth. Why won't anyone date me?
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Whoever calls and asks me to do stuff and obviously, with having your own TV show, people want you to get involved. They know you're a stand-up comedian so they're always looking for somebody funny to host an event.
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My mom was kinda like a cat. She slept a lot.
Chelsea Handler
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I hate that people assume guys are the only ones to want sex. Girls want sex, too, and that shouldn't be a problem.
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According to Life & Style, Lance Armstrong was seen canoodling with fitness model Kim Strother, and the night before, he was with Ashley Olsen. He's going from bar to bar picking up women - how does he get them home? Does he put them on the handlebars, or does he have a banana seat?
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Or people who have one baby and go buy a minivan... how big is your baby?
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The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents.
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My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.
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They travel in groups. You never see an Asian by their self.
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A Catholic priest who’s been sending threatening notes to Conan O’Brien was charged with stalking in the fourth degree. It just goes to show you that people can become obsessed with redheads.
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I wasn’t like 'Oh, I'm going to marry 50 Cent...' I mean, seriously. But I did like him. He's very sweet and antithetical to what you'd think of him.
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I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
Chelsea Handler
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Adults end up shading things and shading the truth, and you end up lying and telling people what they want to hear.
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There's a difference between watching a chef show, which doesn't feel like a reality show compared to the Housewives. Those shows can, I think, not only lower your IQ, but really just knock the wind out of you, because we're all here in this business.
Chelsea Handler
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Hulk Hogan's wife has filed for divorce. This is the most devastating breakup since Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee. And then Pam Anderson and Kid Rock. And soon, Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon.
Chelsea Handler
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My theory about Taylor Swift is that she's a virgin, that everyone breaks up with her because they date her for two weeks and she's like, 'I'm not gonna do it'.
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I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.
Chelsea Handler