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I hate that people assume guys are the only ones to want sex. Girls want sex, too, and that shouldn't be a problem.
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
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Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
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Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
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Girls
Guys
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More quotes by Chelsea Handler
If you want to have sex with strangers, you have to do it the old fashion way and become a prostitute.
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The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.
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They travel in groups. You never see an Asian by their self.
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When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point.
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The L. A. Times is reporting that Britney Spears' album Blackout will be number one on the Billboard charts. Not to toot my horn, but I predicted this on my show a week ago. No one wanted to believe me - even I didn't want to believe me, but now I know how Nostradamus feels.
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Obviously you want to be smart enough to take other people's advice and take that into consideration, and obviously try to surround yourself with people that are smarter than you. As far as sticking to your guns, I think there is no better advice than to just find something that you really give a s - about and then go do it.
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I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.
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I would never get married while my father is still alive because I wouldn't want him to walk me down the aisle.
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It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher.
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Good Luck Chuck, a comedy starring Dane Cook and Jessica Alba, opened today, and critics are saying it has all the belly laughs you’ve come to expect from Jessica Alba.
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In these tough economic times, everybody has to cut back. I am down to three tabs of ecstasy a day.
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There should be a talent that goes along with being famous.
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I try to not overthink anything. I don't understand why nipples are nudity. Who cares? Men can show their nipples but if we have breasts we can't show them?
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Kiefer Sutherland has agreed to serve 48 days in jail for his DUI convictions. That's 245 months in Jack Bauer years.
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When I look at all the people that I have working for me and the company I've started and all the people that benefit from it and have a living because of it, it's very motivating to continue to do it.
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You get photographed together when there's 25 people with you and people assume that you're having sex, which is definitely not the case.
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Maybe they should name more drugs cute things. I don't do meth, but maybe if they called meth 'Stefanie' I would!
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I think it's important to be authentic to who you are, and if you're inauthentic at all, people smell that from a mile away.
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No one has ever said to me 'go home and make a baby.' I have been told several times to go to Planned Parenthood and make the baby go away. Happy Hannukah.
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I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.
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