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I hate that people assume guys are the only ones to want sex. Girls want sex, too, and that shouldn't be a problem.
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
Television Producer
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Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
People
Girls
Guys
Sex
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More quotes by Chelsea Handler
While looking at a website for liposuction, I learned that it was a six-to eight-week recovery period, the clincher being that, during that time, I would under no circumstances be able to use street drugs. Obviously I had to think of a more realistic approach.
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We spend so much money on these dresses that are terrible. And what do we get out of it? Nothing - a piece of chicken and a roll in the hay with her hillbilly cousin - no thank you. My family's very close I can do that at home.
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There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.
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There's a McDonalds in Hong Kong & they're offering couples the opportunity to get married. You can have a McWedding.
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They travel in groups. You never see an Asian by their self.
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I will probably have sex with Eminem after the show is over. Probably, I dont see why I wouldnt. Im fair game, its not like Im that picky, youve seen the guys Ive dated. I like Swizz Beatz, just because I would like to yell out in bed, Swizz Beatz! Keep it coming!
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My mom was kinda like a cat. She slept a lot.
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Paula Abdul's really impatient to start a family. She says if she has to wait much longer she's going to go crazy-er.
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I had an abortion when I was 16. Because that's what I should have done. Otherwise I would now have a 20-year-old kid. Anyway, those are things that people shouldn't be dishonest about it.
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A lot of people think that keying a car isn't the right way to get back at a guy. I disagree.
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Adults end up shading things and shading the truth, and you end up lying and telling people what they want to hear.
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Can you imagine getting a gun for a secret Santa? That is especially not a good idea if you work in a post office.
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Britney Spears' album Blackout is one of the hottest-selling CDs in the country. We're in a bad place, people: The world is melting, we're at war, and Two and a Half Men is a huge hit.
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That's what my perfume would smell like, margarita and vodka.
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Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by from day to day. It's a good thing you're so voluptuous.
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Have you ever been to an AA meeting? No wonder these people are alcoholics - I've never needed a drink more badly in my life.
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When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point.
Chelsea Handler
I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.
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You should never be mean to other girls. I don't care what grade you're in. Be nice to people until you're my age... and you have your own TV show.
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You get photographed together when there's 25 people with you and people assume that you're having sex, which is definitely not the case.
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