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Or people who have one baby and go buy a minivan... how big is your baby?
Chelsea Handler
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Chelsea Handler
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: February 25
Actor
Autobiographer
Biographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Scuba Diver
Television Actor
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Livingston
New Jersey
Chelsea Joy Handler
Baby
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People
More quotes by Chelsea Handler
I want to start saying bad words all the time!
Chelsea Handler
Maybe they should name more drugs cute things. I don't do meth, but maybe if they called meth 'Stefanie' I would!
Chelsea Handler
It's hard to tell these days what gender people are. You don't know if they're gay, if they're straight, or Bruce Jenner.
Chelsea Handler
Good Luck Chuck, a comedy starring Dane Cook and Jessica Alba, opened today, and critics are saying it has all the belly laughs you’ve come to expect from Jessica Alba.
Chelsea Handler
When I don't know what to do, I just open my mouth. Why won't anyone date me?
Chelsea Handler
I had an abortion when I was 16. Because that's what I should have done. Otherwise I would now have a 20-year-old kid. Anyway, those are things that people shouldn't be dishonest about it.
Chelsea Handler
Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn't be telling their wife about it.
Chelsea Handler
Obviously you want to be smart enough to take other people's advice and take that into consideration, and obviously try to surround yourself with people that are smarter than you. As far as sticking to your guns, I think there is no better advice than to just find something that you really give a s - about and then go do it.
Chelsea Handler
No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.
Chelsea Handler
A Catholic priest who’s been sending threatening notes to Conan O’Brien was charged with stalking in the fourth degree. It just goes to show you that people can become obsessed with redheads.
Chelsea Handler
Everyone knows if you're going to take weed to school, you put it in your trapper keeper to keep it fresh.
Chelsea Handler
I think bullying of anybody, whether they're gay or straight or anything in high school is unbearable.
Chelsea Handler
Paris Hilton is one of the hosts for Nicole Richie’s baby shower, and they’re serving sushi. Awesome, Paris—sushi, the one thing pregnant women are forbidden to eat. Thanks for the mercury.
Chelsea Handler
Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
Chelsea Handler
I think the people in your life are the people that - when you can make other people happy and you can give things to your family and your friends, you know, that's really obviously what life is all about. But it doesn't have to be children. It doesn't have to be a husband. It can be whatever you make it.
Chelsea Handler
I've never made love to a ghost but I have made love to men who are a few years away from becoming a ghost.
Chelsea Handler
People who have experience and credentials, they should be talking about that [Donald Trump presenting on TV]. I know everybody cares about ratings, but come on. The whole world is watching.
Chelsea Handler
I have more respect for somebody who's like, 'Yeah I like to party, so screw off,' then for Tara , who talks about not partying and ends up passed out underneath a Subway, not a subway station, but the actual sandwich shop - two days later.
Chelsea Handler
I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second... or the fifth. I'll just begin with what I can remember and not concern myself with order.
Chelsea Handler
[Gordon Ramsay] knows about being bullied, because look at the size of him.
Chelsea Handler